"It Gets Better" . . . doesn't it??

This is a blog post that I was hoping to never have to write but unfortunately, here I sit writing it. It deals with something that happened to me yesterday that was very scary and traumatic. Writing this blog, for me, is a way of getting some catharsis and sorting through my issues with what happened. First, let me preface by saying that I am physically ok. A little banged up and sore but no permanent damage.

I was mugged yesterday. It was quite scary and traumatic. Three kids tackled me from behind, held me down, put their hands over my mouth so I couldn't scream and then proceeded to dig through my pockets and steal my wallet, cell phone and iPod. They also slapped me on the face a couple times and knocked my glasses and my shoes off. Did I mention this was in broad daylight with witnesses around?? Literally, my first thought was that I was going to be raped. That's how scary it was for me. I was so afraid for my life and am so thankful that they did not have any weapons or anything as the results could have been much worse. I know how lucky I am to be alive and for that I'm grateful.

I have now experienced one of the worst things that a person can experience and I don't know how to deal with it. How does one even begin to process such a violent episode like that?? I'm still really shaken up by the incident and had a hard time falling asleep last night because I kept replaying the attack all night in my head. Normally, on Friday afternoons, I'm the only one home but this particular Friday, my roommate Mara just happened to have the day off work and let me use her cellphone to make all the necessary phone calls and such. I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't been home. How would I have called the police or called to cancel my credit and debit cards?? I also keep wondering what would have happened to me if it had happened at night?? Would I have ended up dead or severely beaten or raped or whatever else??

I know some of you reading this are full of the idea that the big cities are dangerous, bad places and so this post will only confirm that for you and I am not gonna lie that there is a part of me that just wants to hop on the next plane home to Texas and never come back and go back to my old life which was safe but boring. However, I know that that is not the appropriate response to this. It won't do me any good to run away from these issues. This could have happened anywhere and does happen anywhere. There really is no such thing as safe anymore. I would have never thought that something like that would have happened in broad daylight on a busy street in the middle of the day two blocks from my house. I've always felt safe everywhere I've gone but this attack has taken me out of that mode. I've now come to realize that the world is a big, scary, dangerous place and sometimes bad things happen when you least expect it. Who would have ever thought that it would be safer to walk down the streets of NYC by yourself at night than it would be to walk home from the grocery store in your Chicago neighborhood in broad daylight??

One of the many issues that I was working on with my therapist before I moved was the issue of always wanting to blame myself for things. Whenever something bad has happened to me, I have always tended to tell myself that I deserved it or that I had earned it. Unfortunately, I have found myself doing that again with my attack. If I hadn't gone to that particular grocery store or if I hadn't gone by myself or if I had just stayed home and gone to the store the next day, this never would have happened. I know I shouldn't blame myself for it but how can I not?? It's hard not to blame myself and I suspect that many people have the same problem. I'm almost afraid to leave the house now for fear something else will happen to me, not that there is anything else for people to steal. However, I can't continue to blame myself and I can't let my fear paralyze me. I have to move on and accept the fact that it happened and that I will probably never get my stuff back and live with the aftermath of that.

Please don't be worried about me. Or do but know that I'm relatively ok. I've experienced a traumatic event and so it may be a while until I am fully recovered but I will eventually be whole again. I'm trying not to be angry with myself or with God but I could sure use any words of encouragement and support that people could provide. I will tell you one thing, I am definitely missing my support net back in Texas right now. The physical scars will fade but the emotional scars will be there for some time. However, I know that I will be ok. After all, as we've heard over and over again in the last month, it gets better!! At least, I sure hope it does!!

Georgia on my Mind

"God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called."

So, I wanted to use this post to let you know all about my weekend in Atlanta, Georgia. Like I mentioned in my previous post, I flew down there to look at Columbia Theological Seminary. I was hoping that by actually setting foot on the campus, I would get a better idea of where I am going and what I am doing with my life. I hoped that the weekend would help me find some clarity and give me an idea if indeed seminary is where I should go.

I arrived Friday afternoon and was promptly picked up at the airport by one of their current students. We spent the entire ride there talking about the school and why she decided to go there and what made her feel called to seminary. It was a good conversation and I appreciated the fact that she was honest with me. We got to the campus and I promptly got checked in and had some time to walk around campus and enjoy the sights. The campus is absolutely gorgeous and fall was there in full bloom which was great for this Texas boy to see.

Since I had some free time that afternoon, I had made arrangements to spend some time with one of my good friends from college who lives in Atlanta now. She picked me up on campus and took me out for frozen yogurt (which I always love) and we walked around downtown Decatur. The town is breathtaking and feels very homey and has that small-town feel that I have always found appealing. It kinda reminded me of my hometown in a way or at least the parts of my hometown that I like. After yogurt and a walking tour, she then took me to this great bar for a beer and more conversation. It was just really great to get to catch up with her and talk for a while about our lives and what has been going on in them. I always like having those kind of conversations with people so it was nice to just have a chance to chat over a beer and get caught up. I had to be back at the campus by 6 so she dropped me off and I then went to the dinner that had been arranged for all the prospective students that weekend. I personally wasn't a huge fan of it. It just felt really formal and stiff and I felt very awkward and out of place and underdressed and just really wasn't too happy about it. Fortunately, that didn't last that long and we were then divided into small groups to go have dessert at faculty houses. This I liked more as it was much more informal and less people to talk to. We met with current students and professors and had a nice Q & A session about the school and why it could be a great fit for us. Very low-pressure and intimate which is how I like things. That was it for the day so I promptly went back to my room and went to bed.

Saturday was a very full and busy day as it was filled with sessions and a tour of campus housing and a panel discussion and an interview with admissions and lots of other stuff. My interview went really well and I was able to talk about why I was considering seminary and also get some of my questions answered in regards to the school. The interview was very informal and I really felt comfortable talking with her about my story and everything. There was a panel discussion after chapel about the different forms of ministry and what each had to offer us. The housing at Columbia is great and I was really impressed by what they had to offer to their students. Definitely a lot to offer in that respect even if cell phone reception is spotty in some of the halls. The session in financial aid was the one I was most nervous about attending but it actually went better than I thought it would. Turns out Columbia is way cheaper than my undergrad was!! That was a relief although I am definitely going to have to get some great financial aid offers if I am going to be going anywhere for school. Guess who has to fill out the FAFSA this next year??!! Anyway, after all our sessions were over the school hosted a big, Italian dinner for us and all the current seminary students. The food was great and there was a live jazz band that played all during dinner. Great music, great food, great company and ice cream for dessert!! What more could one ask for??!! Well, after that, I had agreed to go have some drinks with my friend that goes to Columbia. We ended up going to the same bar that everyone else was going to and it really was a great way to end the day. Everybody just hanging out and playing shuffleboard or darts or just simply talking over a glass of beer. What an experience and really made me feel a lot more comfortable about the whole weekend.

Sunday morning, I went with my friend to church and then had pizza afterwards and then it was time for me to head to the airport to fly back to Chicago.

I had a really positive experience this past weekend and more importantly, I think I found some purpose in my life. The whole weekend, I really felt the presence of God leading me to seminary. I could feel myself going there and I could articulate reasons why I think it is the right move for me. Now, I really feel like being a seminary student is the right next move for me. I'm not certain that I will be going for an MDiv and I am not entirely convinced that Columbia is the right fit for me but I now definitely feel that my next move should be applying for seminaries. The more I think about it, the more I realize how perfect a fit it is for me. I think I've known for years that it was the right move for me but have always been resistant until now. Not sure what type of ministry I want to work in yet but it's still early. I would love to do youth or campus ministry or Christian Education or even start a music/drama ministry somewhere. I think that I bring a lot of skills and a lot of experience to the table that will help me in this endeavor. I surely do hope that God is leading me down the right path and that he will help me achieve this goal. He knows my reservations and so I hope that he will help me get past those. I feel a sense of peace with my decision and no longer feel like I am just drifting through life anymore. I had a long talk with God about this decision and I sincerely believe that me going to seminary is truly the path that he wants me to walk down.

All I have to do now is begin filling out applications and just hope and pray that everything works out in my favor. I do sincerely hope that all of you reading this will support me in this endeavor. I know that not everybody who reads this is a religious person and some of you may be even anti-religion and that is all well and good but I do still hope that you will accept and support my decision. I think I am finally walking down the path that God wants me to walk and that is such a good feeling to finally have that sense of clarity. I think things are finally starting to come together for me and my life. Proof that becoming a YAV was truly the best decision I ever made. Thanks, everyone, for continuing to read this and comment on it. You guys are the reason that I am able to do this and without your support, I would be nowhere and would probably still be drifting aimlessly. I will make sure to keep you guys updated on this whole process. I still have some other schools I want to visit before I make my final decision so I have some time. Thanks for reading this really long and in some cases incoherent post!! Remember, God loves you (and so do I).

Life after YAV or Decisions, Decisions??!!

Hello, everybody and sorry I haven't posted in a while but I have been super busy. I'm not the best at keeping up with blogs. I always say I will and then I don't. Anyway, on to other things. I have mentioned before that I have been doing some vocational discernment during my time here. That's how I came to the conclusion that professional acting was no longer meant to be for me. Now that I have abandoned that life goal, I'm a little confused as to what comes next. So, I decided to do what any good blogger does and share with you where my thoughts and feelings are going today. I'm not necessarily looking for advice (although I know some of you will be offering it anyway). I'm just merely sharing the different avenues and career/life options that have been in my head over the last few years and most especially now that I am here. Please note that I am also not presenting these options in the order that they are the most appealing to me.

Option 1) Go to Seminary - Whether it be to get an MDiv or a Masters in Christian Education or some combination thereof, this is the option that has been weighing on my heart a lot over the past few years. It's also the one that I struggle with the most because I just don't know if it is the right fit for me. I'm actually leaving in the morning for Atlanta, Georgia to go look at Columbia Seminary and I am hoping that over the course of the weekend, I can get some clarity on if this is the path that God is leading me down. I've developed or acquired a lot of gifts that could be used perfectly in the ministry including my music and drama skills as both of those go hand-in-hand with the ministry. I also love talking about and debating about religion and theology. I just think it is the most fascinating subject and I think that is why seminary holds so much appeal to me. My reservations are that it won't be the right fit for me and my gifts and that I wouldn't have Sundays off. I'm definitely not 100% sold on this option but as of right now, it definitely sounds the most appealing.

Option 2) Masters in Social Work/Become a Social Worker -This could potentially be combined with Seminary as many offer a dual degree program. I just love helping people and feel that social work would be an excellent fit for me as I love the work they do and think it is an absolutely vital service that needs to be offered. I wouldn't get rich doing it but then, who needs money anyway??!!

Option 3) Go Work for a Non-Profit/Social Service Agency - Admittedly, this could also be combined with one of the first two options. I can't see myself ever again working for a big corporation (been there, done that) so these kinds of agencies really appeal to me. The work they do is so important and I think I could bring a lot to their various agencies. I was really hoping to work for a non-profit during my YAV year so I could test it out and figure out if that was the right option for me which is what makes this one less appealing as I have absolutely no idea if I would like it, having never done it.

Option 4) Writing/Editing/Publishing/Journalism - Again, this could potentially be combined with any of the other three. I get complimented all the time on how good my writing is and I must admit that I do love to write. It's been a secret dream of mine to someday be a paid film critic but that is a career that is dying out quickly so I am not sure that I will achieve that one. Still, it does seem like a good career choice for me. The pay is absolutely terrible and the hours can often be miserable but it would be doing something I love which is the most important thing.

Option 5) Do a second YAV year - I really like the YAV program and could easily see myself doing a second year. There are so many other sites that I would love to participate in (although right now my heart really is in Tucson). Plus, it means I could delay this whole decision-making process for another year. That's always an appealing reason to do something, right??!!

Option 6) Counseling/Therapy - Again, this could easily be combined with another option. I'm a great listener and I love helping people work out their problems. This field practically requires that as part of the job description. Plus, a lot of therapists get to set their own schedule and how many clients they see so I could easily make my own schedule which is really appealing and I could even do this part-time while doing one of the other options full or part-time. As many issues as I have dealt with in my past, I am someone who knows how to get through those hard times so I think that my credibility and experience would make this a really good fit for me.

Option 7) Master's in Public Affairs or Public Administration - There is so much that I could do with one of these two degrees to help better the world. I could become a government official and work to change the policies that directly affect the afflicted people. I could be a school official and help improve education for our children. I could work in a corporation or small business and work to improve things that way. There are literally dozens of options with one of these two degrees.

Ok, I think that about covers everything that I am considering right now. Like I said, a lot of these options could be combined with something else so I can potentially do more than one. I know that they say you should "do what you love" and all those other cliches but what do you do when you love so many different things?? I could easily see myself loving and completely thriving at any of these seven options so what do I do?? Like I said, I am not looking for any advice but I know some of you will want to throw your hat into the ring, so to speak, so please do feel free to comment on here, facebook me, email me, text me, call me, send up smoke signals or whatever else you would like and give me your thoughts on the matter. I know it may still be early in the YAV year to start thinking about what will I do afterwards but many graduate schools require applications to be in fairly soon and I need time to do some research on them so I need to seriously start figuring this out. The biggest hurdles to graduate school for me are the cost (so I'd better get some serious financial aid if I do choose this route) and the fact that I am scared about getting in. I didn't exactly have the most stellar GPA in undergrad so I am going to have to have some really good recommendation letters and personal statements or else it is not happening. Three years ago, I decided that my five year plan included going to grad school so that means that I should be prepared to start it next fall, right?? Although I can always revise my five year plan if needed. I do really want to go back to school as I just miss that whole experience of academia and being a student again and having summers and Christmas off!!

Whatever option I choose, my biggest fear is that I will be a failure at it. I would hate to choose grad school and then drop out after a year or two or choose one of the career paths and then not be good at it and quit. Fear of failure is what holds me back from doing so many things I have wanted to do over the years. It's also the reason I almost didn't do YAV. Yet, I can't let my fear paralyze me from getting my life together and moving forward. I have to choose something

"There's No Business Like Show Business!!". . . or is there??

When you lose your dream, you die.

-Flashdance

Dreams change; friends are forever.

-Crossroads

So, during my time in Chicago, I have had a lot of time for reflection. Lately I've even started doing some vocation discernment and writing in my journal about where I think God is leading me and what I am learning about myself this year. I just have to say that the answers I have been coming up with have been surprising and not necessarily the answers I was looking for. However, having had a few days to digest and process everything, I really feel like the answers I've come up with really are the answers that God wanted me to come up with and I've made a sort of peace with the decisions.

Let me explain by giving you some background here. Ever since I was a little kid, there has been exactly one dream that I have had and wanted to accomplish: becoming famous. That has literally been the desire that has driven my entire life and has been responsible for a lot of the decisions that I have made over the last several years. I started doing theatre 12 years ago because I believed that would be the best route to accomplishing that goal. I convinced myself that theatre would be the only path that would bring me any happiness. I've been telling people for years that my two major life goals are to win an Oscar and star on Broadway.

I've realized, though, that therein lies the problem. I have been focusing too much on performing for the glory and the accolades. That's not really what it is supposed to be about. Performing is supposed to be about the thrill and the adventure of playing a part and getting invested in a character and making new friends and such. For me, though, it has never been about that. It has always been about getting the glory and the accolades and being the center of attention. I have been doing it for all the wrong reasons and I think that explains why I haven't had the greatest success with it. I've done over 20 shows and yet I've had mostly minor roles or backstage roles in most of them. I'm realizing now that that is perhaps God's way of saying that I am just not meant to make a career of it. I haven't been doing it for the right reasons and yet when I think about trying to do it for the right reasons, I find that my enthusiasm for doing it at all is muted at best.

I'm just tired of the "drama" in drama. The long nights, the multiple rehearsals, the immaturity of so many out there, the constantly having to do the same thing over and over. It just wears me down and yet I kept at it because I was determined to make something of myself and become a big star in the industry. I just wanted the Oscar and that has been why I have been willing to subject myself to all the tedium and drama that comes with doing theatre. I really hate doing the same thing over and over. I used to tell people that I hated rehearsing but loved performing!! I hate auditioning because I make terrible first impressions and lack the self-confidence in myself and my abilities that seems to be a need in order to make it in the business. I convinced myself that it would all be worth it someday when I was onstage giving my Oscar acceptance speech which I had had written since I was 5 years old.

A big part of the reason why I wanted to serve in Chicago was because it would be a great place for an aspiring actor to start out his career that was less cutthroat than New York City. However, I'm realizing that God sent me to Chicago to help me realize that there is something better out there waiting for me. Doing theatre helped me develop gifts that I can take with me into other careers: public speaking, self-confidence, projecting to a crowd and many others. These are skills that I have developed thanks to my many years of theatre and they are skills that I can take with me into any other vocation of mine and God's choosing. They're also skills that a lot of people out there don't possess and would love to have.

The above quotes represent two different dichotomies when it comes to dreams. The whole point of this post is simply to say that I have realized that maybe my dreams need to change (if they ever really were my dreams). I simply don't have the passion or the talent for the theatre biz anymore. I was doing it for purely selfish rather than selfless reasons and let my own selfish pursuit of glory and accolades take precedence over just having fun and enjoying myself. I wasn't using my talent for the right reasons but also can't see myself wanting to do it for the right reasons. I'm not saying I won't ever do another show again just that I don't think that it is meant to be my career ambition anymore. I'm glad I realized this now even if it does mean that I have to now figure out who God is wanting me to be (I've got some ideas in that regard but don't want to say anything on here until it feels more firmed up). Sometimes God has a funny way of getting his message to us. Before I left to come to Chicago, I was convinced that once I was done, I was going to settle down in Chicago and become a professional actor. Now, here I am two months into my YAV year thinking seriously about leaving that dream behind, perhaps permanently. I haven't let my dream die but simply realized that perhaps that never really was my dream at all.

It's scary to think that I could potentially be giving up the stage and that whole business permanently. It's really all I have been heavily involved in over the last twelve years. Yet, I have come to realize that I started doing it simply for the attention and not because it was something I wanted to do. Now, I am forced to re-evaluate everything I know and hope that those of you out there reading this will support me as I make this quite momentous decision. I'm almost afraid to publish this and even put the idea out there that I might be "retiring" from the stage, again. I know that means people will be holding me accountable and that I have to live up to what I promise. This doesn't mean that I can't still be involved in the business, just from an outsider's perspective. I will still be a movie buff and will still always want to go to a theatrical event of any kind but won't be participating. Last time I "retired" from the stage, it lasted three years so who knows how long this one will last. I think theatre will always be a part of me and I am very grateful to it and the friends I have made through it. It helped get me through some really rough patches in my life and I am glad that it helped me develop some useful life skills. However, it's time for me to move on and work at becoming a new person. What that means, yet, I don't know. For now, let's just say I am a work in progress!!

Crop Walk 2010

Hello all, I know what you're thinking. Wow, three posts in one week. He must have a lot to say of import. Well, that's sorta true. This post is all about what I will be spending next Sunday afternoon doing. You see, this year I am participating in the 2010 CROP Hunger Walk which raises awareness and money around the issue of world hunger. It's an important cause, one that I believe very strongly in and one that I am proud to take part in. The walk will take me throughout downtown Chicago and along the lakefront so it will be a beautiful walk, at the very least. There is a team from LakeView doing it so it will give me a chance to visit with them as we walk and chat and look at the sights and such. It's a 10K which is a little daunting but as someone who successfully completed a 5K run this summer, I think I can handle it. Each walker is asked to raise money for their walk although there is no set amount that we have to fundraise. A good minimum they give us is $120 because that will feed a family of five for an entire month. I've set my minimum at $150 just to go above and beyond. I can't tell you how excited I am to be participating in this event and I hope you are excited about it too. I also hope that those of you reading this with the funds will donate at least something to my fundraising efforts. This is such an important cause and one that I feel strongly about. Global hunger is an epidemic that affects far too many people. Over the last seven years, I have been proud to participate in the 30-Hour Famine program and that one really speaks to the issue of global hunger as well. The CROP walk is just an extension of that program so every dollar raised helps one more family overcome their conditions and live without hunger. If my efforts can help just one family, then they will be worth it. I hope you will consider donating toward this important and worthwhile cause.

To make a secure, online, tax-deductible donation, please type the following URL into your web browser: http://www.churchworldservice.org/site/TR/2010FallCROPHungerWalk/TeamRaiser-Fall2010?px=1469972&pg=personal&fr_id=6564.

That will take you straight to

my

personal fundraising page where you can follow the link to donate. Thanks so much!! BTW, the walk takes place on October 17th so I only have 9 more days to meet my goal!!

Why DO Bad Things Happen to Good People??

"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

Marilyn Monroe

This week at Young Adult Bible Study, we discussed why bad things happen and how a God who is all-knowing and all-seeing could allow bad things to happen in the world. If God truly loves his creation then how could he allow bad things to happen to those who he loves. We watched a video about the topic and it did a good job of explaining the concept but didn't provide any easy answers mainly cause there aren't any answers. During discussion after the video, we read the story of Joseph and talked about how the story relates to the concepts of bad things happening to good people. In Joseph's case, he was sold into slavery by his own brothers and was assumed dead by his own father. However, in Joseph's case, he ended up in a much better situation than he started out in. The quote above by Marilyn Monroe is one that I have taken as a personal motto for myself and one that I have found to be true more often than not. In the case of Joseph, he had a good thing going living in a household with a large family with a father who adored him and a Technicolor Dreamcoat. All that was taken away by his brothers' jealousy and things looked pretty bleak for Joseph. However, he ended up in a better situation because of what his brothers did to him. If he had stayed in his old situation, he would have been subjected to the same famine that plagued his family and might not have lived to carry on the legacy of his people. Instead, he ended up being in a position of power and was able to help those who were affected by the famine. Plus, he got a great Broadway musical out of the deal!!

So, as you can see, a bad thing happened to Joseph but it turned into something good maybe even great. I think that's the nature of most bad things that happen in our lives. God takes them and makes something beautiful out of the midst of tragedy. Look at the cross for another example. Out of that absolutely horrific and terrible event sprang the hope and salvation of all mankind. Sometimes, it's simply about seeing the beauty in the midst of the tragedy.

Of course, this doesn't allow for the larger question of why do bad things have to happen at all?? Can't God simply not let bad things happen?? If he really is all powerful, he should be able at least to end human suffering, right?? Honestly, I don't really have an answer for that and we never really found an answer for it at Bible Study either. I don't think there is an answer. I sincerely believe that everything happens for a reason but then, as someone pointed out last night, what about the Holocaust? Did God allow the Holocaust to happen? Was he simply powerless to stop it? Why did the Holocaust happen? Where's the silver lining in the extermination of millions of people in such a horrific and horrid way? The easy answer is I don't know. I don't know why things like the Holocaust or Hurricane Katrina or 9/11 happen. I just know they do and they are tragic and scary at the same time. It's a question that I think many Christians struggle with and I think a lot of atheists cite it as a reason why they don't believe in God. I can see their point. If God could stop the Holocaust and chose not to, then is that really a God we want to worship and adore?? Or alternatively, if God was powerless to stop the Holocaust, then what kind of God is that?? Certainly not one that most of us would want to worship. It's easy to take that route and choose not to believe in God at all for to believe in God means that we must struggle with the fact that he could have potentially chosen not to stop the bad things from happening.

I know I have been hitting hard the fact that I used to be an atheist but it's because those years of unbelief have completely shaped and informed my years of belief. Another reason I was an atheist had to do with the fact that I saw so much tragedy and pain happening in my personal life and I had a hard time reconciling that with the idea that there was an all-powerful, all-loving God. If God was truly like that, then why couldn't he just fix everything and make it all better. Why did so many people that I loved and respected have to suffer such incredible pain and loss?? Why couldn't he have made me "normal" so I would fit in with my peers? All these questions weighed heavily on my mind and I chose not to believe in a God that would have that kind of attitude toward his creation. Now, I still wrestle with those questions but now I have chosen to believe that God gave us free will and lets us make our own choices, for better or for worse. God doesn't make any mistakes but humans sure do. God still loves us even when we commit unspeakable acts of violence and inhumanity because we are his beloved children. He made us the way we are and we should embrace it. Ultimately, while I don't have an answer for why bad things happen to good people or why God doesn't just stop those things from happening, I can honestly say that my God gave us the free will to make our own decisions and our own mistakes but irregardless of those decisions, he still loves us anyway even when we don't love ourselves or him. That's the most important part of my religious beliefs: the idea that God loves us no matter what we have done or who we are or how we treat others. He still cares deeply for us and doesn't want bad things to happen to us. Humans make the choice to commit acts of unspeakable evil and God gave us that choice so that we might know suffering and compassion.

Perhaps my thoughts sound really jumbled and perhaps I'm not making much sense. Maybe some of you are wondering when I'm going to stop writing about theology and start writing more about my life in Chicago. Those are all valid points but my life in Chicago includes my theology as it is something I have to deal with on a daily basis. My Christian faith is being stretched and challenged in so many ways while I am up here and I feel the need to share it with you all and get my thoughts on these matters out there. I hope that's okay with you all. Pretty soon, I will get back to posting about life in Chicago although to be honest, there's not really that much to add to the conversation there. Things are still great here so far. I sometimes fear that I am going to run out of things to blog about as my life up here is not one exciting adventure after another. Anyway, that's all I have for today. I've had theology on the brain a lot this week between this week's Bible Study and this week's episode of Glee (one of the finest they've ever done) so I just needed to share it with you all. Remember, God (and I) loves You!!

Anne Rice and Quitting Christianity

In the name of Christ, I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-artificial birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democrat. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism. I refuse to be anti-science. I refuse to be anti-life. In the name of ...Christ, I quit Christianity and being Christian. Amen.

Anne Rice

In Sunday School at LakeView this week, we talked about this quote and discussed the implications of it. I don't often get to attend the Sunday School class because I'm usually running around doing things during that time but I am glad I got to come this week as this is a quote that has really been on my mind for the past couple of months. As I mentioned in a previous post, I spent several years as an atheist and some of that had to do with the fact that I didn't approve of the hatred that I was seeing Christians participate in. I have always believed that God loves everyone and that hatred has no place in Christianity. Growing up in a fairly conservative area, I was subjected to a lot of hatred and vitriol being spewed in the name of Christ. It really put a bitter taste in my mouth toward the whole concept of Christianity. I personally didn't want to believe in a God that would preach hatred toward others and didn't want to be associated with that. So, I decided that I would just become an atheist and not be affiliated with Christianity at all.

So, as you can see, I should be sympathetic toward Anne Rice and her reasons for quitting a religion that admittedly has plenty of reasons not to be a part of it. However, where I take issue with Rice is how quick she is to label all Christians as bad and put them in a box. I've come to realize that not all Christians are anti-gay, anti-birth control, anti-science etc. and that is the kind of Christianity that I belong to. I have no issues with those Christians that believe differently, I just strongly disagree with them and am quick to make that known to them. That kind of Christianity is the kind that turned me off to the religion in the first place.

Being a follower of Christ is not easy and there are plenty of times when I don't always want to believe or want to yell at the conservative evangelicals that they are wrong but ultimately, I choose to follow an imperfect religion because I myself am imperfect. It's only recently (really since I signed on to be a YAV) that I have even felt comfortable calling myself a Christian. I used to be so ashamed to call myself a Christian because I was afraid that people would lump me in with the evangelicals and that was not me at all. I'm no longer ashamed to call myself a Christian because if people know I am a Christian, hopefully that will change their views on Christians. It's my job as a Christian to exhibit the love of God and the openness of the Holy Spirit and if through that, people get a new perspective on Christianity, then all the better. Being a Christian means taking the good with the bad. I believe that the media likes to portray Christianity in a negative light. All you ever hear about on TV is the Westboro Baptist Church and such but you almost never hear about the good things that Christianity is doing in the world. Yes, Christianity is responsible for a lot of absolutely terrible things but it has also been responsible for some wonderful things and I think that needs to be acknowledged as well. Rice and so many others like to paint Christianity in a bad light and as Christians we need to be more vocal about how wrong they are about us. The majority of non-Christians will never view Christianity in a positive light unless those of us who are the "liberal" Christians stand up and let our voices be heard. I'm not trying to knock conservative evangelicals as they are children of God and followers of Christ too. I'm simply saying that those of us who are pro-gay rights, pro-choice, pro-birth control and Christians need to let people know that we exist and that there is another way to think about God and the Bible. Otherwise, we risk alienating and losing even more people like Rice who have become disillusioned and disheartened with the church and what they perceive to be its message of intolerance.

Rice may be a fantastic writer (I wouldn't know, I haven't read her stuff) but she deeply offends me when she attempts to label all Christians as intolerant and homophobic etc. That's not the Christianity I proclaim and it is not one that is endorsed by the YAV program. I am proud to say I am a Christian and will remain one now and forevermore. The church isn't perfect but neither am I and that is why I remain with it. Hallelujah and AMEN!!