Through It All

I felt it only proper to use this blog post to reflect back on the events that happened ten years ago today. It seems a little hard to believe that it's been ten years since our country was shaken to its core. It certainly doesn't feel like it's been that long. It doesn't feel that long ago at all. Yet, there it is. I'm going to try and keep this post about the theological aspects of that day and try my best to avoid the political as I know that many people might strongly disagree with my views on the matter. I don't pretend to have all the answers or even to know what God or Jesus would have to say. I do, however, know what I believe and what I remember.

I think it's really easy for us as a country to want to have somebody to blame or to demonize for the events that happened. It's perhaps a little too easy to do so. Believe me, it's always nice to be able to blame someone else when something terrible happens. Yet, what purpose does that really serve? Does that heal any wounds? Is that really the best way to grieve for those who died? Is that the kind of response that Jesus would have advocated? In the days following it, I know there were a lot of threats made against the Muslim people. Harsh words were exchanged and even back home, a local mosque was fire-bombed. The American people were looking for someone to blame and naturally found it in the Muslim people living among us. It seemed like the easy thing to do, of course. We were attacked by Muslims so naturally the thing to do was to retaliate against Muslims, as if the entire religion was responsible for the actions of a few of its followers. That concept has never sat well with me. After all, Christianity has done some really terrible things over the centuries but that doesn't mean that all Christians should be attacked or persecuted. Doesn't the same hold true for Muslims as well? To blame the many for the actions of a few is not what I would consider to be the right course of action.

What I remember seeing in the days following it was the complete and total unity that the American people had with each other. For those few days, we were no longer Democrat or Republican, Christian or Jew, white or black. We were Americans and that common unity and harmony has, alas, seemed to vanish in the ten years since. Now, it's all about attacking and blaming each other for various things and dividing people up into different groups: white, black, rich, poor etc. Where did the idea that we are all Americans go? What happened to us all bonding together and pledging unity with each other? Sadly, we may never have that sense of unity again. I miss it. It was nice to think that for once in our nation's history, we could come together as a country and forget all our differences and be the UNITED States of America. Sadly, that era has ended and it saddens me.

What is the Christian thing to do when something like what happened on this day happens? Many would say that the appropriate thing to do was to respond with soldiers and tanks and weapons and kill lots of innocent people the way they did. I know that is how the United States did respond to it. However, I'm not convinced that that was the right response. I know to some it may be comforting to attack our enemies and kill them so they can't kill us anymore. If that is what helps them sleep better at night, then so be it. I don't think that is the way to go about it, however. I think that the God I believe in calls us to lay down our weapons and love our enemies. Love is stronger than hate and indeed is the only thing that can end hate. Many people ask: why do "they" hate us? I don't think it is quite that simple to say "they" hate us although I do wonder who is this "they" they speak of? I think what we, as Americans, tend to forget or choose to forget is that what happened wasn't just an attack on Americans or an attack on Christians. It wasn't just Christians in those planes. It wasn't just Americans either. There were people of all different nationalities and faith backgrounds on that plane just as there are on the vast majority of plane flights all over the world. It's very exclusionist to say that only Americans or only Christians died in the attacks and a complete untruth. Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, atheists all died along with French, German, Russian, Eastern European and African people as well.

What happened on that terrible day was indeed a tragedy and a horrific event and I am truly sad for those who lost loved ones on that day. However, and I say this merely as a way to put things in perspective, what's really a tragedy and something that should be lamented but isn't is the fact that by the end of the day today, over 16,000 children will have died due to hunger or hunger-related causes. By the end of the day today, over 5,000 people will have died due to complications from the AIDS virus. Yet, how often do you see newspaper headlines about them? How often do you get breaking news feeds alerting you about this fact? How many relief concerts or benefits have you seen about these causes? The world didn't stop on that day. Far from it, in fact. Small children in villages in Third-World countries still went to bed hungry, a mother with AIDS died leaving her two small children behind to fend for themselves, a father somewhere in the world beat his son for daring to disobey him and that same father then sexually abused his teenage daughter. All this is to say that we should be mourning for all these losses every single day rather than grieving for the 3,000 or so that died on that day ten years ago. I hope I'm not sounding insensitive as I do not mean to come across that way. However, I really think it is important to put things in perspective and recognize and acknowledge that tragedy happens every single day in every single place in the world and that the world really doesn't revolve around the United States. Losing 3,000 people in a single day isn't a random event and in fact in many parts of the world, it's quite common.

In the ten years since that day, over 100,000 civilians have been killed in Iraq and the United States has personally spent over 3 trillion dollars on an un-Christian attempt to get back at the people who dared to expose our vulnerability and make us feel weak and insecure. Would Jesus bomb people? Not the Jesus I worship. The Prince of Peace invited us to turn the other cheek and to love our enemy. That's the Christian response to acts of violence. Anything else is following a path that I personally do not want to follow. We have seen enough violence and bloodshed in our world. Let's not add to it. Let's instead use this anniversary as a chance to make a pledge toward non-violence and peace. Let's remember those first few days afterward when we came together as a nation and promised unity. Let's return to those days. Only then can we start to heal the damage that has been done. Revenge is no way to live and does not bring comfort and peace. Together, we can make a difference. Let's make that difference one of peace this time, shall we?

A Whole New World

Today marked the last official day of our orientation activities. It was a pretty good week, all things considered. It started off being a bit overwhelming and a lot to process. So many new faces to meet and names to learn and I had to introduce and talk about myself so many times that I just wanted to go sit in a corner and not move for a few hours after it was all over. By Wednesday, though, I was feeling a lot better and things went much smoother for me. I've really started to make connections with my classmates and have already made several new friends that are going to help me on this journey. I am one of the youngest people in the incoming class which is an awkward and very new position for me to be in. I've been so used to being one of the oldest everywhere that now I get the opportunity to be young and feel like a kid again, in a sense. There's one other girl in my class that is younger than me so we have been hanging out a lot this week. She's pretty cool and I am glad to have gotten to know her this week. At the beginning of the week, I looked around at my fellow classmates and felt very out of place. However, now, at the end of the week, I feel a bit better about everything. I realized that my feeling out of place or uncomfortable was more a result of my personal prejudices than anything else. I was letting my personal issues cloud my judgement. This is a great group of people that I have in my class and I am glad that I realize that now. I've already found some surrogate moms and have made several new BFFs so that tells me that I am in for a great time.

Orientation has been full of informative sessions that are designed to help us adjust to this new experience. The professors and current students here have all been great. This is such a warm, nurturing, supportive community. I really feel like a part of the community now and that tells me that I made the right decision. Classes don't start until Tuesday so I still have a few more days to relax before I have to get right into the thick of things. Tomorrow is the annual hike to the sea in which those who wish go on a 12-mile hike up a mountain to the Pacific Ocean. It's gonna be a challenge and just might be the death of me but if I survive it, it's gonna be an awesome experience and something to truly remember. Once I get there, the school has a party all set up for us at the beach and we get to swim and eat and just hang out and visit for a little bit. It sounds like it will be a great bonding experience and even an opportunity to meet some of the students I haven't met yet. Other than that, I have nothing else going on.

For those who want to know, I am officially registered for classes which I am officially a seminary student. Here's my schedule for the next three months:

Pentateuch and Former Prophets: T, F 8:30 - 10

History of the Old Testament: T, F 10:20 -11:50

Hebrew: M, Th 10:20 - 11:50

Intro to Ministry: M 1:30 - 4:30

Seminary Singers: M 5:15 - 6:45

So, as you can see, my Mondays are gonna be pretty full but I am really excited and looking forward to each of my classes (even Hebrew!). As you can see, I've decided to join the choir which I've been told is a great choice and one that I won't regret. I've had negative experiences with choir in the past so am hopeful that this time will be more positive. Plus, I get class credit for it so might as well give it a shot. I need to nurture the gifts that God gave me and singing just happens to be one of those gifts. Plus, it will be a good way to end my day and de-stress from the busy and full day that is Monday. So, there ya go. I'm trying to be very conscious of my time and not over-burden myself with too much. They say that it is better to burn out than fade away but I know from experience that that is not the case. My first semester, especially, I am going to be very aware and make sure to have adequate self-care. I'm already looking for yoga buddies and I plan to start working out again once classes have started. I'm going to continue the good work I did this past year and improve upon it. This journey has already led me so many places that I never expected myself to go and it will continue to take me places that I would have never seen myself going. Hope you will continue to follow the journey no matter where it leads. I hope everyone has a lovely Labor Day weekend and enjoys themselves. Please pray for me as I begin the process of going back to school and back into the rhythm of classwork and tests and papers and everything else. Best wishes to you all.

"I Will Go, Lord, if You Lead Me"

Well, folks, I have arrived in California to start seminary. As such, I have made some changes to this blog to reflect this new journey. New name, new look but still the same blog.

First off, there may be some people who will be coming across this for the first time so I suppose I should introduce myself and explain a little bit about what's happening. I am originally from North Texas but recently completed a year-long volunteer service program in Chicago, IL. During that year of service, I realized that I could no longer deny the call to Seminary that God had placed on my heart. Now, I am living in San Francisco, CA about to start my first year at San Francisco Theological Seminary pursuing ordination as a Minister of the Word and Sacrament. That's the brief synopsis of my life and why I am here. Welcome to all my new readers.

Anyway, I got here yesterday afternoon and spent most of the afternoon getting unpacked and settled in to my new place. My housemates gave me a tour of the house and it is nice!! The house is 8 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms with some half-baths as well so there is plenty of space. It's got a dining room, a huge living room, plus a kitchen and all the other amenities you would expect a house to have. There are currently six of us living here this year: 4 girls and two boys. I am the only first year student living in the house which is nice as the others have already experienced everything I am about to go through so will be able to help me through it. Orientation doesn't start until Monday so I have some time this weekend to just relax and get myself acclimated to a new environment. The time change has been the hardest adjustment for me. I've never lived outside of the central time zone so that is proving to be a big adjustment for me.

My room is really big and has so much space for just one person. It is nice to have a room to myself again although two people could easily fit in here. I have two closets, a big double bed, an armchair, a desk, two big bookshelves and a smaller bookshelf plus roof access where there is a nice sitting area that I may take advantage of when the weather is nice and I have reading to do. My housemates have all been super welcoming and nice and so far, everything has been great. I have yet to meet any other students here besides my housemates but I am sure that will happen once orientation starts.

So far, I am really liking it here. The weather is absolutely beautiful and the campus is gorgeous. It's close enough to the big city that I can go there whenever I need to but it is located in a small town so I get the small town experience as well. Plus, I have family only two hours away and several friends that live in either Oakland or San Francisco so won't ever have to feel too lonely. I'm ready for orientation to start and I'm even more ready for classes to begin so I can start the next chapter of my life. By the way, for those who would like my mailing address, please let me know. I would prefer not to publish it on the Internet so just ask me for it. The postal service is apparently really reliable out here so if you send me something, there is a great chance that I will actually get it. So much different than last year's experience in so many ways!!

Anyway, I will have more to write about once orientation actually starts. I just wanted to let everyone know that I made it here safely. I promise I will post pics soon (once I figure out how to do that as I honestly have no idea how to do that on here). Technology is not my friend and I am not the best about taking pictures but I know people are going to want to see pics of where I am living and studying so I figure I need to accommodate those requests or I might get some very angry emails!! Best to all of you. Remember, God loves You (and so do I).

Everything's Changed

Hello everybody,

The past three weeks have practically flown by and it seems almost unreal that I now have less than a week left here before I leave for California. Being home has actually been really great. It's been so much fun to see some of my friends again and hang out with my family again. My days and nights have been quite packed as I have been busy with lunch dates, dinner dates, movie dates etc. It's weird to realize that I hadn't seen any of these people in a year. It's almost hard to believe that its been that long. Strange how you can go from seeing the same people almost every day to not seeing them at all.

Adjusting to being back home has been a process to say the least. I've been slowly getting used to the idea that here they have Wal-Marts and Sonics and I have to drive everywhere. Granted, I am not at all trying to say that the kind of culture shock I've been experiencing is anything compared to the culture shock that certain other YAVs are experiencing. I can only imagine what some of the ones that were in more rural parts of the world are going through. Still though, there is a bit of an adjustment to being back in my homeland that has taken its toll.

A major project that I have taken on while I have been back has been downsizing my life. I'm basically getting rid of the vast majority of my stuff. I've sorted through my clothes and decided what to keep and what to get rid of. I've thrown out my magazines (some of which I've had since I was a small child so getting rid of them was a bit like saying goodbye to my childhood). I've been sorting through my books and deciding which ones I want to sell to the local used bookstore and which ones I want to take with me to school. It recently hit me that when I move this time, it's going to be a more permanent move. I won't be coming back much at all and Texas will simply become a place that I spend a couple weeks a year in while I am on vacation visiting family. However, for the next 3 (or 4) years at least, California will become my new home base. That's what has made the downsizing necessary but also hard. It's hard to again say goodbye to all the people and places that I have loved for so long. The idea that I will be moving halfway across the country and this time won't be back after a year is really hard to accept and grasp. Yes, I am definitely looking forward to this new journey and this new adventure. I am so ready to start school. However, that doesn't mean that I can't also recognize that I am leaving behind so much. I know previous posts of mine have sounded pretty harsh about Texas and so some of you might be surprised to hear me expressing these thoughts and feelings. I think it shocks even me. However, I think being home during this brief period of time has just clarified to me what I missed about it but also why it is necessary for me to leave. I will always look back fondly on my home state (no matter how much bad press we might get, much of it deserved). However, I have also come to realize that it's time to move on and start a new life elsewhere. I literally have nothing more to gain from being here.

Pretty soon, I will be on a plane to California and a new adventure will begin. I will continue to blog during my time in seminary as I know so many of my loyal readers want to continue to hear how I'm doing. Keep an eye on this page over the next few weeks as it will be undergoing some changes. All will be revealed soon. Thanks for following me and my adventures all throughout this past year. I do hope that you will continue to follow me during the next part of my journey. It's sure to be an exciting and grand adventure. I know I am interested to see what God does to me over the next three years of my life. I hope you are too!!

The Yellow Rose of Texas

Well, friends, in case you haven't heard, I made it safely back to Texas. I got in very late Monday night and pretty much all I've done is do laundry and sleep. It's been weird being back actually. Almost doesn't feel real. Can't believe it's already been a year. Seems like just yesterday I was about to board the plane for orientation and now here I am back already. How did a year go by so fast?

To be honest, I've been feeling really overwhelmed and slightly disoriented. I am definitely experiencing sensory overload which I didn't even think was a real thing but apparently it is. I had church last night and while it was good to see everybody again and to be in that building that I love so much again, it was also very overwhelming and awkward for me. I haven't really had enough time to process everything yet so I am glad that people so far have been respectful and haven't bombarded me with questions and such. I don't think I could handle that right now so I am thankful that I haven't had to be put in the awkward position of having to answer lots of questions right now. I need my time to process everything. It might take me a few days before I am ready to talk about my experiences and everything that happened to me over the last year. I promise you that that will happen but please just give me some time. I'm honestly just feeling so overwhelmed right now. A lot has changed back home in the year I've been gone and so I am having to process all that as well. I guess you could say I'm experiencing what they call culture shock. Being back has been much more difficult than I ever imagined it would be. Yes, I am very happy to be back (which might surprise some of my loyal readers) but it just feels weird probably this marks the longest time I have spent away from home ever. A year is a long time to be gone. Lots of changes happen in that time. People die, children grow, babies are born, new businesses open, others close, and people change.

At any rate, I am back in Texas until August 26th. If you are in the area and want/need to see me, let me know. My schedule is getting booked quickly, though, so you better let me know ASAP or else it may be hard for me to fit you in my schedule. Keep in mind that I am very broke right now(as in, I have zero dollars in my bank account) so if you want me to go out to eat with you or whatever, you may have to pay for me. I know that could create a very awkward situation, potentially, which is why I am putting it out there now so everything is clear. I'm starting school in the fall without a penny to my name so just be conscious of that when you ask me to join you somewhere. I really do want to see as many people as I possibly can while I'm here so please do let me know if you genuinely want to see me. I haven't seen anybody here in almost a year and some of you, maybe even longer than that so please give me an excuse to get out of the house for a few hours.

The next three weeks consist of pretty much nothing. I've got a pretty clear schedule other than "back-to-school" shopping and all that entails. I'm just enjoying the freedom of having nothing to do for a few weeks. I did consider getting a temp job while I'm here to make some extra money but the more I think about it, the less appealing it sounds. This is the longest (and possibly only time) I will be spending at home this entire year so I really don't want to be spending part of it working. I might change my mind on that but for right now, I am just going to enjoy the freedom and the peace. I'm not going to let myself get stressed out or worried about money or how I am going to pay for school or the fact that I need to somehow come up with almost $7,000 in the next few weeks in order to have fall semester paid for. I'm simply putting it in God's hands and trusting that he will provide. He knows my needs and he will make it all work out in His (and my) favor. I'm really trusting God on this one so here's hoping he doesn't let me down.

Right now, things feel really weird for me. I have my own bedroom again in a house with air conditioning and there aren't five other people in the house all the time. It's weird how hard it is proving to be to readjust myself to the old life that I had before moving. Guess that just proves how much this past year really did change me. I'm not gonna lie, I'm really missing Chicago and my fellow Faith House people and my co-workers at the church and the people I met and the many, many friends I made there. I'm trying my best not to dwell on what I left behind and instead live in the present and appreciate my time here among family and friends and all those who have supported me over the last year and also looking forward to the future and what I have coming up, namely California. It's gonna be a great experience, I know it is but that doesn't mean I can't still "mourn" for what I left behind. I will always carry a part of Chicago with me.

This brings me to my last point. This is not my last blog post. I will still continue to blog during the duration of my time in the Lone Star State. However, I do have some big plans for this blog so you may see some changes to it over the next few weeks. Keep following me and I will keep you updated on that. Trust me, you are gonna want to keep reading this blog even though my time as a YAV is officially over. It will be worth your time, I promise you.

For Good

"Who can say if I've been changed for the better but because I knew you, I have been changed for good." -Wicked

Well folks, my time in Chicago is rapidly coming to a close. In just a few short days, I will be on a plane back to the Lone Star State and my time as a YAV will be officially concluded. It's hard to believe that a year went by so quickly. Seems like just yesterday, I boarded the plane for orientation in New York and now I am about to board a plane back to Texas. It's been a year full of challenges, growth, struggle, disappointment, tears, laughter, rejection, acceptance, love, hate, doubt, faith, despair, hope and lots of hours of watching Buffy and Arrested Development. I think what's been most shocking for me to witness is just how much personal growth I've done this past year. I came in as a rather reserved, shy individual with a host of self-esteem and self-loathing and body image issues that I had only recently started to deal with and accept. I had never successfully lived with people my own age and had never actually cooked for anybody, including myself. While I know that I will still struggle with issues of self-loathing and body image probably my whole life, I think this year has more than anything else, put me on the path toward a better, fuller acceptance of myself and my abilities. I can now look in the mirror and say "I like myself" and actually know that I mean it. My imperfections make me who I am and who I am is pretty darn great. I'm eating better now that I have learned how to cook and can even make a wide variety of dishes, both vegetarian and non-vegetarian. I've even dabbled in baking and that has proven to be a success as well. I always told myself that cooking just wasn't something I ever saw myself doing. I had a lot of self-doubt and resigned myself to just living off TV dinners and fast food the rest of my life. If I hadn't done this YAV year, that may have indeed been the case.

I've also finally discovered some clarity and some direction in life. In case you weren't aware, I'd basically been drifting along in life working a variety of dead-end jobs that didn't pay well and living at home and not really doing anything good or productive with myself. I was content to just drift aimlessly through life. Now, however, my life has a sense of purpose and direction. I have a clearer idea of what it is that I was put on this planet for. I have a better sense of where God is calling me to go and what he is calling me to do. I've even begun to see how the seeds for my new life direction were planted so many years ago and are just now starting to bear fruit. I've realized all the myriad ways that the gifts and talents I have developed can be used in my new life plans. I guess that just goes to show that God sure does have a funny sense of humor, doesn't it??! Now, I can honestly say that where I am going in life is exactly where I should be. I once had a good friend of mine ask me, "Is where you're going where you want to be?" I never really had a good answer for that until now. Yes, now I can say that where I am going is where I want to be.

This has also been a year with a lot of struggles. That's to be expected, though, I think. I think if you were to ask any YAV about how their year went, they would be hard pressed to not mention something about struggles. Whether it be being separated from family and loved ones during the holidays or dealing with bad days at work or being attacked or coming to terms with themselves or facing rejection after rejection, every single one of us has a story to share about the struggles that we have had to face as YAVs. Anybody who tells you this is easy is either a liar or incredibly naive. There's nothing easy about doing this program. There's nothing easy about being away from family during the holidays or watching a friend you've known for a long time die suddenly or hearing about a death of someone close to you back home and not being able to be home for it and having to grieve from afar or being rejected and thinking that it means God doesn't love you. However, what helps is having a community there to support you. Whether it be the people in your own house or people back home or even other YAVs from far away, it's good to have that support network to turn to in times of struggle and grief. Yes, I've had to deal with my fair share of trouble this past year but what has been a blessing is seeing how much love and support I have received from my Chicago community to help get me through it. This year has really shown me how much we rely on others to get us through those hard times. No, it hasn't been easy but its been made easier by knowing that I always had somebody up here to turn to when I needed help.

It's gonna be really hard to say goodbye to this place and these people in just a few days. I've been slowly saying my goodbyes already and it has been an emotional process. I never thought I could get so attached to so many people in such a short period of time. When I reflect back on the past year and the people I have met, I have nothing but smiles. I honestly cannot imagine my life without these people now. My life has been so enriched by meeting them and now I have to leave them behind. Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end as they say and I guess that is certainly proving to be true.

I think my final thoughts are just to reflect briefly on the past year and how much I have been shaped by my experiences here. I'm going back to Texas as a completely different person than I was when I left. I only hope that I can keep it up and maintain the growth while I am there and then continue to grow once I leave again to head for California. This has been such a transformative and instructive year for me. While I may not have been changed for the better, I know for sure that I have been changed for good!!

Pride (In the Name of Love)

This past weekend was Gay Pride weekend here in Chicago so I thought I would take a second to share my thoughts and reflections on the weekend and what it meant to me. Working as I do with so many gay youth and at a very gay friendly church, Pride weekend was a big deal in my book and one that I was determined to experience. What I experienced over the course of the weekend was a powerful and life-changing expression of God's love and support.

Here's the thing: I come from a part of the country where being gay is not very accepted or supported by many people. Where I come from, you are liable to be teased, picked on, told you are worthless, disgusting and sinful and that you will burn in Hell for your "choice". That was why when I found out I would have the opportunity to march in the parade with my church, I jumped at it. I knew this would be a way that I could potentially show God's love and maybe even heal some long-festering wounds for many people. It's no wonder, really, that so many gays turn away from God and the church. You would too if you were constantly told that your lifestyle was wrong and sinful and deviant. The church (and here I am referring to the whole church, not individual churches) has not been the most welcoming and accepting toward their GLBTQI brothers and sisters. So, small wonder that many gays feel that the church has nothing to say to them and only wants them to repent of their ways.

Marching in the Parade representing a church was my way of coming to terms with that aspect of the church's history. It has long been the one that has been the most troubling to me. It was important to me that I convey to my LGBT brothers and sisters that there are churches out there that love them and accept them for who they are. I think sometimes that message can get lost in the shuffle as so many of the most vocal churches out there are the ones that proclaim their messages of hatred. There was quite a large contingent of churches that marched in the parade, actually. It was ultimately very heartwarming to see how many churches were willing to be identified as gay friendly and welcoming.

Ultimately, however, the thing about the Parade that really got to me the most was seeing the huge crowd of people that were there to watch it. Many of these people did not know a single person in the parade. So, to see so many people cheering and high-fiving and showing their love and support for complete strangers was quite moving. The fact that they were there to cheer and celebrate a lifestyle that is denigrated by so many was really powerful to see first-hand. All these thousands (and yes, I do mean thousands) of people were there to show their support and love for their gay brothers and sisters and friends and strangers. Some of them even brought their friends, relatives, kids, grandkids with them to the parade and that made me happy. Especially to see so many children along the parade route. That will hopefully be one less child that will grow up thinking being gay is wrong or sinful. That's ultimately how it should be. Teach your children at an early age to be welcome and accepting and they will stay that way their whole lives. Hatred and bigotry are taught, not innate.

Anyway, after the parade was over, the contingent from LakeView walked back to the church and were greeted by parishioners who had stayed to watch the parade from the church lawn. What happened also was that we ended up having several people come up to us and thank us for participating in the parade. There was a lot of healing that was hopefully accomplished with the parade. People saw that there is such a thing as churches that believe that God's love extends to everyone, gay or straight. For many, that is an eye-opening revelation. The idea that there could possibly exist a church that believes that gays are beautiful just the way they are is perhaps a foreign notion to many. That's why it was so important to me to participate and march in the Gay Pride parade. Those wounds have been allowed to fester for too long.

The last point I want to bring up for discussion is the issue that some people (even ones who support gay rights) have with Pride Parades. I have heard people make the argument that Gay Pride Parades are just an excuse for gay people to flaunt their sexuality in front of everybody. Isn't who you sleep with supposed to be a private matter and not something that needs to be flaunted in front of everybody? Why does everybody need to know about it? To be honest, until this past weekend, I never really had a valid answer to those questions. Now, however, I do. The reason why Gay Pride Parades need to exist is for kids like Tyler Clementi and Asher Brown and Billy Lucas. Recognize those names? They are just three of the many youth who have killed themselves over the last year or so because of bullying. These three (and many more just like them) were teased, picked on, beaten up and generally disrespected because of their sexuality. They were told that they should be ashamed of themselves for feeling that way and that their sexuality somehow made them less human and less worthy of love. What Gay Pride Parades do is send a message to those scared, brutalized youth that they should be proud of who they are, not ashamed. They should love themselves for who they were created to be and live that life and be proud to live that life. When everyone around them is telling them to be ashamed of their feelings, Gay Pride tells them to instead embrace their feelings and accept and love themselves. Yes, who you share your life with is a private matter but being gay is not about who you sleep with. It's about embracing and loving yourself just the way you are and not being afraid to be that person. It's about accepting yourself as a gay person and taking pride in that fact. If the Gay Pride Parade saves even one life or prevents one teen from hanging himself or shooting himself or mutilating himself, it is worth it. Perhaps if there were Gay Pride parades in the cities where those teens who have killed themselves lived, they might not have done it. That's the real reason why Gay Pride parades exist. To show other gay, scared teenagers that they have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. That being gay is something that should be embraced, rather than shunned. That there are people who will love and accept them for who they are even when their own family and friends won't. There is no shame in being gay and it doesn't mean that something is wrong with them or that they need to be "fixed" in some way. Gay Pride is about all that and more. I only hope that those kids who most need to hear that message actually do. Sadly, I fear many of them don't.