Time Goes By So Slowly

Hello, friends. Just to give everybody a quick update.

Spring Semester starts tomorrow and I am anxiously awaiting the start of another semester of classes. I'm really looking forward to the next batch of classes I'm taking and so am eager to get started on that front.

My Hebrew intensive class ended on Thursday and I am happy to announce that it went really well as I ended up making an A+ in it. I am so proud of myself and that A was well-earned, believe me. Just the shot of confidence I needed and gives me hope that this next semester will go exceedingly well for me. I enjoyed studying Hebrew but am also glad to be done with it. I'm considering taking some intermediate level classes but not for another year or so. For now, I am proud to be a survivor of a six-hour a day, 5 days a week class. You wanna talk about a grind, that was a grind.

Anyway, since class ended on Thursday, I've found myself with an unexpected but very welcome empty schedule. These last three days have been very peaceful and slow as I have had no homework to do, no tests to study for, no papers to write and it has just been really nice to have a slow-down before the onslaught of Spring Semester starts. I did some volunteering on Friday night with the local homeless shelter and I plan to make that more of a priority this next semester as it is so important to me and my ministry. I went into San Francisco on Saturday with a classmate and we had such a great day walking around the city and having a picnic and getting coffee. We even took in a movie (My Week with Marilyn: fabulous and a must See!!) and got our haircut. I now have a great new look to start the new semester with!! All in all, its been a great weekend and I now feel rested and relaxed and ready to start the Spring Semester.

Here's my class schedule for the next three months for those who are interested in knowing all those kind of details:

Old Testament Exegesis - Monday, Thursday 8:30 - 10

Systematic Theology I - Monday, Thursday 10:20 - 11:50

Intro to Ministry II - Monday 1:30 - 4:30

Seminary Singers - Monday 5:15 - 6:45

Sexuality and Pastoral Care - Tuesday 2 - 5

Old Testament Prophets - Thursday 2 - 5

Plus, I'm doing an online class focusing on Japanese Religions. So, ya, too much? Well, only time will tell. I only have class three days a week which is nice and makes up for the fact that I have way too many classes. I sure am looking forward to them all, I can tell you that.

I hope everyone has been having a great month. I know I sure have. I've gotten back into doing my yoga and have been working out every day plus learning to play the guitar, learning how to read treble clef and even taking time to read for pleasure!! Busy month, you bet so and I wouldn't have had it any other way! Here's hoping I can keep these habits up with the dawn of an extremely busy semester. Playing guitar is a life-long dream of mine and so I intend to keep at that one. Just think, someday, I could finally accomplish my dream of becoming a country singer!! Taylor Swift, eat your heart out!!

In all seriousness, I am going to close this off for tonight. Here's hoping everyone has been having a great month and may it continue to be that way. 2012 is shaping up to be my best year yet and I sure hope it continues!

One Orc at a Time

Hello all,

Just wanted to give everyone a heads-up that I am indeed still alive and safely back at school. The month of January here is pretty busy as I am enrolled in an intensive, three-week Hebrew study in which we spend 6 hours a day five days a week in Hebrew class. It's intended to get us through the entire second semester of Hebrew in three weeks so needless to say, it's super intense. Spending six hours a day in class is not the easiest, let me tell you. Fortunately, at least for me the language is proving to not be that big a challenge and I have found myself doing really well on everything so far and managing to keep up with the class assignments. The coolest part is that we have actually started reading passages out of the Hebrew Bible and translating them into English. It's really awesome that we are already able to do that. It's been really neat to read the Bible in its original language as we then spend time discussing why various versions translate certain words the way they do. It's also been interesting to see how the original Hebrew is not always the most precise or cleaned up. The original Hebrew can be very hard to follow and at times very frustrating to try and translate. It's been a good exercise though and the original reason why I wanted to take the language.

After spending six hours in class, you can imagine that I am not really doing much else. My brain is so dead by the time I get done that all I can do the rest of the day is just hang out in my bed and watch a movie or something. While I personally enjoy learning a language in an intensive setting like this, I also acknowledge that it can be very draining. I can only imagine what some of my classmates are feeling right about now. I tend to pick up languages pretty easily so I'm managing just fine but I really feel for those people in my class who have a more difficult time learning them. The intensive language setting is not the best setting for everyone so I really do understand their concerns there. I personally prefer it because of how my brain works but I can see how others would not enjoy it as much. Plus, I like the fact that it's my only class right now so I can focus all of my time on Hebrew unlike last semester where I had to devote time to my other classes as well so Hebrew sometimes got pushed aside. Being able to focus on one class is nice for a change. Personally, I think we are going a little bit slower than I would like but as I've said since the beginning, if going slow means I make an A, then I will gladly take going slow!!

As for everything else, it's been going well. Christmas was okay but I was so ready to get back to school and my friends here. One thing that being back in Texas made me realize was just how few friends I really have there anymore. I spent most of my time there being really bored as I have so few friends around anymore. I did manage to see some people but for the most part, I was at home by myself watching three or four movies a day!! Don't get me wrong, it was nice to have some lazy days on the couch but it would have been nice to have seen more people and have had more plans. Oh well, maybe the next time I come back (although I don't know when that will be as I don't have any trips scheduled anytime soon).

The main thing I've been struggling with since being back is trying to rein in my inner competitiveness/overachieving perfectionist tendencies. I made really good grades last semester (some of the best I've ever made in my entire academic career) yet I'm having trouble being proud of them because I know a) that I could have done better and b(that so many of my classmates did do better than me so I find myself in a real quandary here. How do I appreciate what I have (some outstanding grades and a really great GPA, especially for my first semester of graduate school) without being upset with myself for not doing as well as other people? This is something I've really been wrestling with and haven't really figured out yet. I guess I just need to pray for some guidance and some inner peace. I did achieve my goal of making at least a 3.0 GPA and I didn't flunk out so in that sense, I'm a success. Why, then, do I feel like the "village idiot"? Why can't I be happy for myself and be proud of myself for how I did? There are times when my competitiveness/perfectionism can be a huge asset but this is not one of those times. What is preventing me from being happy for myself? Something I think I'm really going to need to work on. I need to start accepting the fact that there will always be someone better than me at everything I do but that doesn't mean that I didn't do my best. There is absolutely no reason why I can't be appreciative for others along with myself.

Anyway, I will close this off. I don't have class tomorrow since it's a holiday but since I have a mid-term on Tuesday, I will be spending tomorrow studying as I am determined to make an A in Hebrew this term!! Our professor is great, at least, and keeps class interesting and fun. She's also a big Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings nerd so we get along just fine because of that. She constantly makes Potter or Rings references in class and I can't help but nod along and smile and then wonder about the people who aren't getting those references. Her best advice to us this entire semester in regards to Hebrew is "just take it one Orc at a time". I think that's pretty good advice for life actually so that's what I am going to leave you with today. "Take it one orc at a time."

How Do You Measure A Year in the Life?

Well, folks. We have reached the end of another year. Today marks the last day of the year 2011 and tomorrow starts the beginning of another year, 2012. I'm actually a little sad to see this year end. 2011 was a very good year for me as loyal readers of this blog will be aware. Granted, it did have some severe downs and some times when I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through but somehow I did. Now, here I am at the end of another year looking forward to starting the New Year off right.

In the last year, I've moved three times: from Chicago to Texas to California. I'm really tired of moving and so am hopeful that I am done moving for the foreseeable future (or at least the next three years or so!!).

In the last year, I've traveled on an airplane more times than I care to even think about. Never intended to fly as much as I did this year and hopefully I won't be flying nearly as much this next year. I love to travel but flying really wears me out.

In the last year, I've continued the process of taking better care of myself and being more aware of my body's needs. While this hasn't always given me the results I've wanted, I am hopeful to continue this good habit throughout 2012.

In the last year, I've become better aware of who I am and who I want to become. I've come to grips with the fact that my imperfections (such as they are) make me me and me is pretty fantastic. I've accepted myself as who I am and I've learned to love myself just as I am.

In the last year, I've come to see who my real friends are. I've discovered that there are plenty of people in my life who will always be there for me no matter what. I've also discovered that there are others who might claim to be my friend but really when all is said and done, I'm more of an acquaintance. I can't really elaborate on this any further than I have as it is something I need to work out more in 2012.

In the last year, I've had my calling affirmed by myself, God and others. I finally feel like I have a sense of purpose and direction in life and that where I am going in life is someplace important. I feel now that I might actually make a difference in this world someday.

In the last year, I've become more comfortable with being able to say that I am a Christian. This is one that I really had struggled with a lot in the past. I was so afraid as being labeled as a Christian because of how Christians tend to be perceived by outsiders. However, I've realized that it becomes vital for people to know that I am a Christian because it will hopefully open their eyes to see a different perspective on Christianity. We're not all bad, really??!!

In the last year, I have been exposed to different ways of reading and interpreting the Bible. This has really helped me a lot with the issues I've had with the Bible over the years. I've been better able to see it and read it in a new light; one that is more palatable and easier to handle.

In the last year, I have learned the power of forgiveness. I've also learned that just because you forgive somebody doesn't necessarily mean you ever want to see them again. It simply means that you are no longer going to allow them to take up space in your heart. Forgiveness is a very healing and important process although it is never easy. I've been able to let go of all the hurt and anguish and bitterness that I had held onto for far too long although, like I said earlier, that doesn't necessarily mean that I have any desire to see certain people ever again. Just that I'm no longer going to allow them to dominate my life and my thoughts anymore.

I think that about covers everything I learned this year. It was a year full of incredible highs and extreme lows. I dealt with some of the most depressing things imaginable this year but also experienced great beauty, love and grace. All in all, I think 2011 was one of the best years I've had yet. Bring it on, 2012. Bring it on!!

All I Want for Christmas is You

I couldn't let the Christmas season pass without acknowledging the simple fact that for many, the holiday season is a time of pain and sorrow and not joy and gladness. I wish for everyone that this season of the year may indeed bring them "tidings of comfort and joy". Sadly, however, I fear that that may not even be enough for many.

I pray for all those who are hurting this Christmas and are having to spend it without a loved one. For many, Christmas marks a time when they grieve for the ones they have lost over the past year whether that be a parent, child, sibling, spouse or partner. I hope that they feel the enveloping presence of their loved one all over them this holiday season. May they know that they are being watched over and loved by so many and may that thought bring them some form of comfort this holiday season.

I pray for all those who find themselves either unemployed or homeless this holiday season. May they be able to find something comforting these next few days as they face a possibly bleak 2012. May those who are seeking employment not get disheartened as they face rejection after rejection. May those who are homeless find some way to get through the holiday season without fear of death or harassment.

I pray for those who are unable to spend Christmas with their loved ones this year whether that be by choice or by design. May they find ways to keep in contact with their family in spite of the distance and may they be able to make a family wherever they are to help them celebrate the holiday season.

I pray for those who are in abusive living situations. I pray that over the next few days, things improve for them. May they receive guidance and strength and courage to stand up for themselves and if necessary remove themselves from the horrible situations they are in. May they not let their circumstances change who they are. I sincerely hope that they find a better situation for themselves before it is too late.

Lastly, I pray for all those suffering with addictions this holiday season. Those who would rather spend the holiday with drugs and alcohol than actual people. Those who are willing to sell their Christmas presents for cash for that next hit. Those who are even willing to resort to stealing other people's Christmas presents for drug money. Addiction is a terrible disease. It really does affect so many people. I just pray that they are able to break the cycle of addiction and get back on the right path before it's too late.

These are the prayers that are weighing on my heart this holiday season. While you're busy opening gifts or carving up a ham or watching the football game this Christmas, I hope you will take a minute to just silently pray for these people. Perhaps you know somebody that is struggling with one of these issues; if so, pray for them specifically. Even if you don't know anybody, though, that doesn't mean you shouldn't pray at all. Just take a second amidst all the gift-giving and cooking and football to acknowledge that for so many, there will be no gift-giving. There will be no home-cooked meal. There will be no football watching. For many, their Christmas will be filled with nothing but fear and abuse. Let's remember that in the midst of our revelry. There's so many who could use the prayers. Let's make sure we send them some.

I'll Be Home for Christmas

Fall Semester is officially over and done with. Took my last final Thursday morning and flew back to Texas Friday night. There was homemade cheesecake waiting for me upon my return and now there's homemade pumpkin bread and peanut butter cookies. I love the Holidays!!

I'm in town for about two weeks with absolutely nothing scheduled for me at all this time. Should be a nice break from the busy-ness of Fall Semester. It's nice to have a bit of a break from papers, tests, lectures and studying. I'm sure I will be bored soon enough but for right now I'm enjoying the down-time. Today, I decorated the house with my family and it felt really nostalgic to be getting the house ready and going through all the old ornaments that have been in our family for years. Christmas is my favorite time of year and so I'm very glad to get to spend it at home this year. Granted, last year not going home for Christmas was exactly what I needed that year but this year, I really wanted to be home.

Finals went really well actually. Looks like I will end up with at least a 3.4 this semester for my GPA which is pretty good if I do so say myself. I don't actually know my grades yet so that is a complete guess but based on how I've been doing in my classes this semester, it seems pretty likely. I'm pretty impressed myself and it just proves that my fears about failing out were unfounded. I really need to learn to trust myself more. Overall, this semester went really well and is really making me look forward to next semester.

Anyway, I'm in the Lone Star state until the 2nd of January so those of you who would like to see me, please let me know. Also, if you happen to know of any babysitting/housesitting/petsitting opportunities while I'm here, please let me know. I've been unemployed for a while now which has severely hit my bank account so I need to be really frugal while I'm here. I've been looking for part-time work up at school but will need to be hitting that in earnest when I get back to campus. It's gonna be a rough few weeks until I manage to locate something.

Anyway, that's all I have to report. I hope everyone has a very merry holiday season. Best wishes for you on this most festive of occasions. Enjoy.

Final Countdown

Well folks,

We have come to that point in the semester. Finals are right around the corner. This also means that my first semester of seminary is almost over with. Seems like I just started last week. Weird how fast time flies. All in all, it's been a pretty great semester and has only affirmed that I'm in the right place in my life. Hard to believe that in just a few more days, it will all be over and I will be on a plane back to Texas (again) for a few weeks of rest and relaxation before I head back to start classes again.

This next part might sound odd to some of you but I have always loved finals week!! In undergrad, it was one of my absolute favorite things and I always looked forward to it every semester. Here, it's no different. I just really enjoy having a lot to do and spending all day studying and cramming as much knowledge into my head as possible. Plus, the fact that all you have to do in class is take a test. There's no actual learning that goes on that week and it's just a really chill and fun time of studying and paper writing etc. I know I sound so weird for admitting that I like finals week. Did I mention I'm a Type A? That could have something to do with my love for it. In undergrad, my system was usually take a final in the morning, then reward myself by watching a movie when I got home and then start studying again for another final or writing a paper etc. I think I might try and implement that system once again here. We'll see how that goes. I have gotten ridiculously behind on my movie watching so finals week could be a great excuse to catch up on some I've missed.

In other non-finals related news, the seminary choir had their annual Lessons and Carols service this past weekend and it went really well. We sounded really good and got lots of compliments. I even had one of my friends from Oakland come and see it and spend the night at my house and it was so great to see him and catch up some. I really needed that time to catch up and connect with a non-seminary related person. It's so rare that I get those moments so when I do, I treasure them. It's important to maintain relationships with people who knew you prior to going to seminary. It's important to have people that you can talk about non-seminary related stuff with. It can sometimes feel like all I talk about these days is theology and Old Testament studies and schoolwork and while I do sincerely love that stuff, it's good to every once in a while talk about something not related to this world. It's important to remember that I have outside interests. Seminary can often feel like a bubble and every once in a while, it's important to make sure that bubble gets popped. While I absolutely love my classmates and my studies, I need to make sure to re-orient myself occasionally with people who are not classmates.

To that end, it was so great to get to spend Thanksgiving with my extended family. I was definitely nervous as I walked to their front door because I wasn't sure what kind of reception I would receive. After all, this is family I hadn't seen in over ten years and a lot has changed in that time. My reservations disappeared as soon as I walked in the door. I was greeted with hugs and well-wishes from the moment I walked in the door and that feeling lasted the entire time I was there. I am so glad I got to re-connect with them and I ended up staying the night at my cousin's and having breakfast with my uncle, a man who I have long admired and looked up to. So much food and fellowship and fun. Playing in the annual Ping-Pong Tournament, meeting my 17 and 13 year old cousins that I had never met before and being shocked at how old they're getting, petting the cutest little 4 month old kitten I have ever seen. Yeah, it was definitely a holiday to remember and definitely one of the best Thanksgivings I've ever had. I'm only two hours away so am gonna try and see them more than just at Thanksgiving. After all, its been ten years so gotta maximize my chances to see them when I can!!

I'm gonna close this off now and head to bed. I have got a very long week ahead of me. I've gotten behind on Final preps in a couple of my classes so will need to spend this week focusing on catching up so I will be prepared for the finals next week. Otherwise, Finals week won't be fun for me and that would be a real tragedy!!

PS: I'll be back in Texas starting December 16th so if you want to see me or otherwise know I exist, drop me a line and I will pencil you into!! I get booked quickly (the perils of being a star) so let me know ASAP!!

Save Me, San Francisco

Hello all my loyal readers, sorry for the lack of posting but it has been absolutely crazy in my world the last few weeks. The post-fall break, pre-finals time is absolutely insane. As of tonight, though, I am officially on Thanksgiving break which is nice. Granted, it's not that much of a break as I have a paper to write and a LOT of reading to do but I am done with class time which is nice. I am planning on spending Tuesday and Wednesday in the library getting all my work done so that I can have Thursday and Friday to myself. I really need to take a breather and spend some time just relaxing and de-stressing from the last few weeks and prepping myself for the last leg of this semester. This semester has just flown by and it is really hard to believe that I am already almost done with my first semester of seminary. Almost doesn't seem possible. Yet, here it is.

In my last post, I mentioned that I would be spending part of the week in Texas. That trip ended up being a really good one and I had a great experience seeing old friends and making new ones and just generally enjoying my time there. I was really glad to get back to school, though, to the wonderful community I've made here. I've never lived in such a supportive, affirming community before and it really feels quite wonderful. I feel like this is a place where I can truly be myself and have that self affirmed and supported by the community. That's very hard to find and something I have searched for for a long time. I feel so blessed in so many ways to be here.

As to my own betterment, that's been steadily improving. I have started working out in the gym two to three days a week. I'm even waking up early to go to the gym which is so uncharacteristic of me in so many ways. I've been mainly focusing on improving my muscle capacity and such and while I absolutely hate working out and especially despise doing anything involving weights, I've found it to be a tolerable experience so far. A chance for me to just prepare myself both physically and mentally for the day ahead. It's become an important part of my day and I'm actually to the point where I look forward to doing it which is an even bigger shocker. A few weeks ago, I voluntarily agreed to go on a hike with one of my classmates. That's something that you would have never seen me doing just a few months ago. Yet, somehow, in this environment, it just felt like a good idea and something I wanted to do. So, I woke up early on a Saturday morning and hiked up a mountain of my own free will. The view was beautiful and it was a really great bonding activity so I am glad I did it. I am finally becoming the person I have always wanted to be. The kind of person who cooks and bakes and eats healthy and exercises and voluntarily goes hiking. That is the kind of person that I have wanted to become and living out here has allowed me plenty of opportunities to do it. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy my random lazy days on the couch watching a movie or my late nights at the bar but I am also realizing the joy and subtle beauty that can be found in the outdoors. It's something I hadn't really picked up on until moving out here.

As far as my spiritual life is concerned, that's been an interesting journey as well. I haven't yet found a church yet that I want to start attending every week but instead have been church shopping and have gone to a different church every Sunday I've been here. I've met some incredibly warm and generous people at all the churches I've visited. I've also been regularly attending the chapel services at school almost every day and they have been very life-giving and nourishing in completely different ways. Seminary can, in many ways, actually be a crisis of faith time and can really shake your beliefs. While I haven't struggled with that as much as some of my classmates, there are still some times when I have questioned why I am here and what I am learning and how can I possibly apply it to my future path. In those moments, I find that chapel sustains me and gives me the nourishment that I need to go on and continue. My spiritual life has so far been enriched and nourished by my time at seminary. I'm enjoying my church shopping and so far don't really feel a need to find that one church that I want to attend for the rest of my time here. For right now, I'm perfectly content with hopping around every Sunday and getting my fulfillment from chapel each day. That's enough for me right now.

I'm still doing well academically even though the work load seems to have really ramped up the last few weeks. I've found myself being able to keep up and even stay afloat in spite of everything. My favorite thing about seminary is that it is absolutely perfect for my Type A side!! While others feel overwhelmed and stressed with all the work, I find myself thriving with having so much to do. My YAV year was great but my Type A personality really struggled with it. Now, however, my Type A-ness is allowed to shine and it is a very happy person right now!! Yes, I have lots to do and yes sometimes it can feel like a lot but that is when I am at my best. Not letting the stress of school get to me. I know I can do this and I want to do this. I had my ministerial purpose and such re-confirmed for me when I went home last month as I met some people who thought that the things I want to accomplish with my ministry were great and much needed. I realize I'm being cryptic and vague and that's because I want to wait to clarify it before I commit to writing it on paper, so to speak. Eventually, there will be a blog post dedicated to that very topic but we are not there yet so just hold on!!

Well, I think it is time to close this off. I've been told that my posts are too long and I guess that is true. Something I might need to think about for the future. Anyway, I hope everyone reading this has a lovely Thanksgiving. I will be driving out to Sacramento to spend the day with my cousins and my aunt and uncle. It's the extended family that I haven't seen in over 10 years so I'm very excited about re-connecting with them and meeting the family members that have been born since the last time I saw them all. I think there will be about 8 of us there which might make it one of the bigger Thanksgivings I've been to. I've always loved Thanksgiving because of the simple fact that it is a chance to spend time with family or those you consider family. I sincerely hope that everyone reading this gets the chance to spend the holiday with the people they love, whether that be your biological family or those who have become like family to you. Remember, family is how you define it so please spend the day being with the people you love regardless of who that may be. There's something sacred and indeed special about the feast and the sitting at the table. Cherish it, nurture it and most of all, enjoy it. Play with your 8-year-old cousins. Watch some football with your brother. Have a genuine, grown-up conversation with your father. Help your mother in the kitchen. Whatever you do, though, remember above all to just enjoy yourself. It's increasingly rare to get to spend that time together with the people you love so whenever we do, we really should cherish it more. Forget for just one day about everything else you have going on in your life and just breathe. Relax. Don't stress. Remember the sacredness of the feast around the table and treasure it. Honor it, give it the attention it deserves. That's what I want to leave you with as we head into this holiday season.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!