For Good

"Who can say if I've been changed for the better but because I knew you, I have been changed for good." -Wicked

Well folks, my time in Chicago is rapidly coming to a close. In just a few short days, I will be on a plane back to the Lone Star State and my time as a YAV will be officially concluded. It's hard to believe that a year went by so quickly. Seems like just yesterday, I boarded the plane for orientation in New York and now I am about to board a plane back to Texas. It's been a year full of challenges, growth, struggle, disappointment, tears, laughter, rejection, acceptance, love, hate, doubt, faith, despair, hope and lots of hours of watching Buffy and Arrested Development. I think what's been most shocking for me to witness is just how much personal growth I've done this past year. I came in as a rather reserved, shy individual with a host of self-esteem and self-loathing and body image issues that I had only recently started to deal with and accept. I had never successfully lived with people my own age and had never actually cooked for anybody, including myself. While I know that I will still struggle with issues of self-loathing and body image probably my whole life, I think this year has more than anything else, put me on the path toward a better, fuller acceptance of myself and my abilities. I can now look in the mirror and say "I like myself" and actually know that I mean it. My imperfections make me who I am and who I am is pretty darn great. I'm eating better now that I have learned how to cook and can even make a wide variety of dishes, both vegetarian and non-vegetarian. I've even dabbled in baking and that has proven to be a success as well. I always told myself that cooking just wasn't something I ever saw myself doing. I had a lot of self-doubt and resigned myself to just living off TV dinners and fast food the rest of my life. If I hadn't done this YAV year, that may have indeed been the case.

I've also finally discovered some clarity and some direction in life. In case you weren't aware, I'd basically been drifting along in life working a variety of dead-end jobs that didn't pay well and living at home and not really doing anything good or productive with myself. I was content to just drift aimlessly through life. Now, however, my life has a sense of purpose and direction. I have a clearer idea of what it is that I was put on this planet for. I have a better sense of where God is calling me to go and what he is calling me to do. I've even begun to see how the seeds for my new life direction were planted so many years ago and are just now starting to bear fruit. I've realized all the myriad ways that the gifts and talents I have developed can be used in my new life plans. I guess that just goes to show that God sure does have a funny sense of humor, doesn't it??! Now, I can honestly say that where I am going in life is exactly where I should be. I once had a good friend of mine ask me, "Is where you're going where you want to be?" I never really had a good answer for that until now. Yes, now I can say that where I am going is where I want to be.

This has also been a year with a lot of struggles. That's to be expected, though, I think. I think if you were to ask any YAV about how their year went, they would be hard pressed to not mention something about struggles. Whether it be being separated from family and loved ones during the holidays or dealing with bad days at work or being attacked or coming to terms with themselves or facing rejection after rejection, every single one of us has a story to share about the struggles that we have had to face as YAVs. Anybody who tells you this is easy is either a liar or incredibly naive. There's nothing easy about doing this program. There's nothing easy about being away from family during the holidays or watching a friend you've known for a long time die suddenly or hearing about a death of someone close to you back home and not being able to be home for it and having to grieve from afar or being rejected and thinking that it means God doesn't love you. However, what helps is having a community there to support you. Whether it be the people in your own house or people back home or even other YAVs from far away, it's good to have that support network to turn to in times of struggle and grief. Yes, I've had to deal with my fair share of trouble this past year but what has been a blessing is seeing how much love and support I have received from my Chicago community to help get me through it. This year has really shown me how much we rely on others to get us through those hard times. No, it hasn't been easy but its been made easier by knowing that I always had somebody up here to turn to when I needed help.

It's gonna be really hard to say goodbye to this place and these people in just a few days. I've been slowly saying my goodbyes already and it has been an emotional process. I never thought I could get so attached to so many people in such a short period of time. When I reflect back on the past year and the people I have met, I have nothing but smiles. I honestly cannot imagine my life without these people now. My life has been so enriched by meeting them and now I have to leave them behind. Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end as they say and I guess that is certainly proving to be true.

I think my final thoughts are just to reflect briefly on the past year and how much I have been shaped by my experiences here. I'm going back to Texas as a completely different person than I was when I left. I only hope that I can keep it up and maintain the growth while I am there and then continue to grow once I leave again to head for California. This has been such a transformative and instructive year for me. While I may not have been changed for the better, I know for sure that I have been changed for good!!

Pride (In the Name of Love)

This past weekend was Gay Pride weekend here in Chicago so I thought I would take a second to share my thoughts and reflections on the weekend and what it meant to me. Working as I do with so many gay youth and at a very gay friendly church, Pride weekend was a big deal in my book and one that I was determined to experience. What I experienced over the course of the weekend was a powerful and life-changing expression of God's love and support.

Here's the thing: I come from a part of the country where being gay is not very accepted or supported by many people. Where I come from, you are liable to be teased, picked on, told you are worthless, disgusting and sinful and that you will burn in Hell for your "choice". That was why when I found out I would have the opportunity to march in the parade with my church, I jumped at it. I knew this would be a way that I could potentially show God's love and maybe even heal some long-festering wounds for many people. It's no wonder, really, that so many gays turn away from God and the church. You would too if you were constantly told that your lifestyle was wrong and sinful and deviant. The church (and here I am referring to the whole church, not individual churches) has not been the most welcoming and accepting toward their GLBTQI brothers and sisters. So, small wonder that many gays feel that the church has nothing to say to them and only wants them to repent of their ways.

Marching in the Parade representing a church was my way of coming to terms with that aspect of the church's history. It has long been the one that has been the most troubling to me. It was important to me that I convey to my LGBT brothers and sisters that there are churches out there that love them and accept them for who they are. I think sometimes that message can get lost in the shuffle as so many of the most vocal churches out there are the ones that proclaim their messages of hatred. There was quite a large contingent of churches that marched in the parade, actually. It was ultimately very heartwarming to see how many churches were willing to be identified as gay friendly and welcoming.

Ultimately, however, the thing about the Parade that really got to me the most was seeing the huge crowd of people that were there to watch it. Many of these people did not know a single person in the parade. So, to see so many people cheering and high-fiving and showing their love and support for complete strangers was quite moving. The fact that they were there to cheer and celebrate a lifestyle that is denigrated by so many was really powerful to see first-hand. All these thousands (and yes, I do mean thousands) of people were there to show their support and love for their gay brothers and sisters and friends and strangers. Some of them even brought their friends, relatives, kids, grandkids with them to the parade and that made me happy. Especially to see so many children along the parade route. That will hopefully be one less child that will grow up thinking being gay is wrong or sinful. That's ultimately how it should be. Teach your children at an early age to be welcome and accepting and they will stay that way their whole lives. Hatred and bigotry are taught, not innate.

Anyway, after the parade was over, the contingent from LakeView walked back to the church and were greeted by parishioners who had stayed to watch the parade from the church lawn. What happened also was that we ended up having several people come up to us and thank us for participating in the parade. There was a lot of healing that was hopefully accomplished with the parade. People saw that there is such a thing as churches that believe that God's love extends to everyone, gay or straight. For many, that is an eye-opening revelation. The idea that there could possibly exist a church that believes that gays are beautiful just the way they are is perhaps a foreign notion to many. That's why it was so important to me to participate and march in the Gay Pride parade. Those wounds have been allowed to fester for too long.

The last point I want to bring up for discussion is the issue that some people (even ones who support gay rights) have with Pride Parades. I have heard people make the argument that Gay Pride Parades are just an excuse for gay people to flaunt their sexuality in front of everybody. Isn't who you sleep with supposed to be a private matter and not something that needs to be flaunted in front of everybody? Why does everybody need to know about it? To be honest, until this past weekend, I never really had a valid answer to those questions. Now, however, I do. The reason why Gay Pride Parades need to exist is for kids like Tyler Clementi and Asher Brown and Billy Lucas. Recognize those names? They are just three of the many youth who have killed themselves over the last year or so because of bullying. These three (and many more just like them) were teased, picked on, beaten up and generally disrespected because of their sexuality. They were told that they should be ashamed of themselves for feeling that way and that their sexuality somehow made them less human and less worthy of love. What Gay Pride Parades do is send a message to those scared, brutalized youth that they should be proud of who they are, not ashamed. They should love themselves for who they were created to be and live that life and be proud to live that life. When everyone around them is telling them to be ashamed of their feelings, Gay Pride tells them to instead embrace their feelings and accept and love themselves. Yes, who you share your life with is a private matter but being gay is not about who you sleep with. It's about embracing and loving yourself just the way you are and not being afraid to be that person. It's about accepting yourself as a gay person and taking pride in that fact. If the Gay Pride Parade saves even one life or prevents one teen from hanging himself or shooting himself or mutilating himself, it is worth it. Perhaps if there were Gay Pride parades in the cities where those teens who have killed themselves lived, they might not have done it. That's the real reason why Gay Pride parades exist. To show other gay, scared teenagers that they have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. That being gay is something that should be embraced, rather than shunned. That there are people who will love and accept them for who they are even when their own family and friends won't. There is no shame in being gay and it doesn't mean that something is wrong with them or that they need to be "fixed" in some way. Gay Pride is about all that and more. I only hope that those kids who most need to hear that message actually do. Sadly, I fear many of them don't.

Born This Way!!

Note: The following blog post reflects the opinions of me and does not represent the Presbyterian Church, the YAV program, or any other organization affiliated with those groups. Just wanted to make that clear before we get started.

A few weeks ago, the Presbyterian Church (USA) ratified an amendment to their constitution officially allowing openly gay, lesbian, bisexual & transgendered persons to be ordained as Elders, Deacons & Ministers of the Word & Sacrament. This is a huge shift for the Church and one that has been full of controversy. Many churches have already threatened to leave the denomination in light of the ratification and there could be a huge split over the issue.

With this move, the Presbyterian Church has become only the fourth mainline Protestant denomination to allow the ordination of GLBT folk (the other three, for the record, are the Episcopalians, the Lutherans and the United Church of Christ). By opening up ordination to all, the Presbyterian Church has taken a step in the right direction toward fully embracing the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the openness and acceptance that he preached.

Here's the thing (and a rather controversial point, I might add), God made people the way they are. Nobody chooses to be gay or lesbian or bisexual. Indeed, I think if you were to ask some of them, they would say that they would rather be straight. It's a much easier and more accepted lifestyle. However, just as nobody chooses to be straight, so also does nobody choose to be gay. That's just not how it works. We are fearfully and wonderfully made by God and He alone decides who we are and who we are attracted to. I know many people argue that God hates gay people and would therefore never make somebody that way but that just begs the question: when did they choose to be straight or white or Asian? Here's what I have come to learn and believe over the years. The simple truth is is that God is love. God is not capable of hating anybody and indeed loves us for who we are even when we don't love ourselves. God meant for diversity to be a good thing and we should embrace that diversity rather than trying to suppress it or change it in some way. Only when we begin to accept people for who they are and who God made them to be can we ever truly begin to fully enter God's kingdom.

As to the subject of ordination, here's my two cents on the matter. "God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called" therefore who are we to deny ordination to those who God has chosen to lead His church? We aren't God and therefore shouldn't act like we know who God would call. Only God is allowed to make that decision and if he has determined that a person is worthy of accepting the call, then the church should embrace that decision instead of denying them because of some arbitrary standards that we have determined make a person fit enough to do God's work. When God decides that someone is good enough, that should be enough. To do anything less than embrace that decision is unjust and unacceptable in God's kingdom.

Jesus Christ preached love and acceptance of all people, regardless of their personal deficiencies. He routinely ate with lepers, prostitutes, tax collectors and other unsavory characters. He was roundly despised by those in power because he chose to associate himself with the "dregs" of society. I think the church could learn a lot from Jesus and his ministry. Are we choosing to open our doors to everyone or are we instead saying that only certain people are worthy of our love and attention? Are we denying people the love of God and the fellowship of our company because of some arbitrary standards that are made by man, not God? Are we choosing to deny certain people the ordination process because of how God made them instead saying that they chose that lifestyle and can therefore choose to turn it off? If people are choosing to leave the Church because the Church is doing the right thing and following Jesus's teachings, then in my personal opinion that's fine. I would rather people leave the church because it is doing the right thing than leave because it continues to do the wrong thing and lets injustice prevail.

You may disagree with me on some of these points that I've made here and that's fine. However, nothing is going to stop me from proclaiming what I have come to believe. Embrace who God made you to be and don't try and suppress it. Claim it as your own and make your life better because of it. If God is calling you to the ministry, do it. Churches, please open up your ministry to everyone that God has called to it. Don't let others tell you that God doesn't love you or that God hates you. That's not the truth. God loves all His children, no exceptions. You were born this way and don't ever let anyone try and convince you otherwise. Remember, straight people didn't choose to be straight. Finally, keep your head up and remember that no matter what, God loves you and wants nothing but happiness for you whatever that might entail whether it be marriage, kids, ordination or whatever else. Embrace that life and live it to its fullest!! Remember, "I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way!!"

California Dreamin'

Well, folks. I made a major life decision yesterday. One that I feel confident was the right decision for me. Let me backtrack a bit here for those of you who haven't been keeping up with my adventures. In my last blog post (way back in early April), I wrote about how I was feeling very angry and upset with God for not getting me into Seminary. I thought that I was finally following God's path for my life and was being denied like I wasn't good enough to follow his path. It felt like such a personal rejection and my self-esteem hit a real low.

Funny thing happened on the way to the bottom, though. I picked myself up, cried all my tears, and resolved that I wasn't going to let this setback keep me down. I discovered that San Francisco Theological Seminary had a much later deadline than all the other schools and so I applied on a whim not really knowing anything about the school except that it was in California, a state that I have a long history with. I decided that the third time would either be the charm or the clear sign that I needed that seminary wasn't the right thing for me at this time. I told myself that no matter what, I wasn't going to allow myself to get beat up over the outcome.

To my shock, I actually somehow got into the school. I was completely floored and ecstatic but also very grateful to God for providing this opportunity for me. However, I knew that that wasn't the end of the story. I knew that in order for it to work out, I had to get a sense of the school and whether it was the right place for me. So, this week, I flew out there to visit the campus and see if I could genuinely see myself there. I knew that I needed to get a feel for the school and see if there was a place for me before I could officially commit to going. Literally, less than five minutes after setting foot on the campus, I knew that this was where God wanted me to be. The campus is absolutely gorgeous and is located in the small town of San Anselmo which is 30 minutes from Oakland, Berkeley and San Francisco so prime location. It is a fairly small student population but I really got the sense that the students and professors all know each other and there seems to be a really strong sense of community there. The students that I met all seemed really enthusiastic about meeting me and genuinely seemed interested in my discernment process. The faculty and staff as well expressed genuine enthusiasm and excitement upon meeting me and it felt good to be wanted. I really felt special during my visit as I was treated like a very important person and had all of my questions answered in a very gracious and kindly manner. The theology class I sat in on was absolutely fascinating and the discussion had me riveted.

There are so many reasons why I feel God calling me to school there. There's a reason why I didn't get into the other schools. San Francisco Theological Seminary is where I am supposed to be and where I am supposed to deepen my theological education. As to that major life decision, well if you haven't guessed it by now it is this: I officially committed to attend there starting this fall. Yeah, that might be anti-climactic but that's it. I've made peace with the decision and am trusting that I have made the right decision. I have a lot of family in the area so it will be nice to get to see them more. That's one thing that has been hard about being up here in Chicago is the fact that I have no friends or family up here so can sometimes feel pretty lonely. Granted, I have made friends since I have been up here but it still would be nice to on occasion visit with somebody who's known me longer than a few months. It's a different kind of relationship in that case. Now, by moving to California, I get to have that kind of relationship again. My aunt and uncle are two hours away which is close enough that I can go see them occasionally but still far enough away that I feel like I can have my own space. The school offers me so many opportunities that I wouldn't necessarily get anywhere else. I feel this is the right decision for me at this time in my life. Did I mention that there is a bar, a good mexican restaurant and a frozen yogurt place all within walking distance?? If that's not a sign that I am supposed to go there, I don't know what is!! I will be able to get around without a car which is one of the best parts as I literally haven't missed driving at all.

Now that I have made my decision, I am trusting that the Holy Spirit will provide for me. Going there is not the cheapest option so I am hoping that scholarships and such will work out in my favor. I am hoping to avoid loans as I have more than enough of those from undergrad and really would prefer to not pile on more since who knows what the job market will look like when I get done in three(+) years!! I am just so grateful that I have been given the opportunity to study there and I intend not to squander it. I hope it all works out for me and that I am able to thrive there. That is my biggest fear: that I will fail out or not succeed at it. I would hate to disappoint God and other people who are all going to be putting their hopes in me to do well and come out of seminary. I've always wanted to live on the West Coast and so perhaps this is God's way of getting me there!! All I know is that God gave me a happy ending to my story which proves beyond any doubt that he is a good and loving God. Thanks be to God! Hallelujah!!

All for the Best??

"Don't forget that when you get to heaven, you'll be blessed. Yes, it's all for the best."

-Godspell

"God is a sadistic prick. Worship me and I'll treat you like shit."

-Rabbit Hole

So, here is a blog post that I was hoping never to have to write although I had it prepared in my mind for the past few weeks just in case. I've blogged on here before about how I was finally feeling called by God to head to seminary. I was really excited about finally having some sense of direction and some sort of purpose in my life finally. I was so looking forward to starting seminary in the fall and couldn't wait to finally be back in academia. Well, I sadly have some bad news to report on that front. Apparently, God decided to play yet another trick on me. I found out end of last week that both the seminaries I applied to rejected my application for admission for the fall. When I first got the letters, I have to admit I felt completely dejected and saddened by the news. I cried for a good 20 minutes and still find myself on the verge of tears sometimes over it. You better believe I said some very harsh things to God and may have even called him some very offensive names in the process. However, all that is over with. I've finished crying all my tears and I am now trying to see the good in this situation.

Perhaps God determined that I just wasn't ready for seminary. Maybe I still have too much self-loathing and haven't done enough growing up to adequately prepare me for the ministry. Maybe I'll be ready for it next year. Maybe in ten or twenty years, I will be ready. Maybe I'm not meant to go and I have been misinterpreting God's call. Maybe I wasn't meant to go to the schools I applied to. Maybe God has an odd sense of humor and thinks screwing around with me like this is some idea of a colossal joke. He does seem to have a sick sense of humor after all. I admit to having no idea why God has put this obstacle in front of me.

As I always do, I took the rejections pretty personal and blamed myself for them. As in, if I had just written better essays or had a better transcript or chosen different references or applied to more schools or the list goes on and on. Yes, I'm very angry at God right now. I think I have every right to be. I mean, I finally think I've figured out what he wants me to do next with my life and then He has the audacity to say no!! What gives??!! I'm ashamed to admit this but there was a brief moment when I contemplated suicide. I know, I'm so ashamed of myself for even thinking those thoughts as I really thought I was past that stage of my life. Apparently not, which really upsets me. However, I was so emotionally distraught that night I got the second rejection letter that my thoughts were so full of hurt and pain and anger. It's hard not to see it as a personal rejection. It's hard not to read those letters and see it as them saying, "We're sorry but you are simply too fat, ugly, stupid and gross to come to our school so please go away and don't ever come back". It's like I'm the kid on the playground once again being picked last or told I couldn't play with the cool kids. I know I shouldn't see it that way but I can't help how I feel. I'm just so tired of being rejected from things. It hurts.

Anyway, I've had a few days to process everything. I'm now able to see it more as their loss than mine. If they don't want me, then they don't even know what they're missing. I've started exploring other options for next year but would prefer to keep a lid on them until I have more to report. Let's just say I always end up having to implement Plan B and I am getting really tired of it. Trying to stay positive and optimistic and realize that God doesn't close a door without opening a window. While I am still very, very bitter and angry at Him, I am having to learn how to continue to rely on Him for guidance and assurance. I know that He will lead me down the path that is best for me but I just wish that path was the one I want to take for once!! I've joked with friends over the last couple of days that I'm going to change my name to Job as that really is how I feel sometimes. I know that everything will work out for the best but I just hate that I always have to hit my lowest point emotionally before that can happen. Prayers for me during this time would be greatly appreciated as I try to once again discern where God is leading me next. Hopefully, I will have an answer to that question soon but I'm learning to wait on God's time, not mine!!

"It's all ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end."

"There's No Place Like Home" . . . well, maybe??

You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your stuff, that idea of home is gone. It just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place.

- Garden State

They say home is where the heart is. If the exception proves the rule, I guess that's true.

- Dixie Chicks

I want to preface this blog post by stating that some of what I am going to say here might be construed as insulting or offensive by some people. Please know that I do not intend anything I post here to be harmful or mean-spirited in any way toward anybody. However, I made a promise that when I started this blog, I would be completely honest about my feelings and such on it. I refuse to compromise or otherwise be anything other than completely myself on here. This blog is meant to be a catharsis for me so I need to be completely myself on here for that reason. If you find anything I say on here hurtful or insulting or offensive in any way, please know that it is not meant to be taken that way. That being said, we now return you to our regularly scheduled blog post.

I wanted to take some time now to talk about the concept of home. What does that word even mean? Home. It's a word that is full of meaning but also ambiguity. For many people, home is where their family lives. But that's not the entire definition of the word, is it? After all, what about people who don't have any family or who hate their family or are estranged from their family? What do they consider home? Is it where they live now? Is the entire concept of home a myth that we've created to make us feel better about ourselves?

All of this is to say that for me, home is a word full of contradictions. While Texas will always be a part of me in some way, I have to be honest and admit that it really doesn't feel like home anymore. It hasn't for a very long time, actually. Even through college, Texas started to feel less and less like home. I just personally don't feel that deep sense of connection to my home state (or hometown) anymore. While I want to quickly emphasize here that I do deeply miss my family and friends there, there's really nothing left for me back in Texas. I think I've gotten out of it everything I could. There's really no further growth I could do there. In fact, in many ways, moving back there would be a mistake because I could potentially start to regress and lose all the progress I have made. Moving away from "home" (as it were) was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make but looking back on it, it was also a necessity. I needed to branch out and get outside my comfort zone. That's the biggest thing that Texas represents to me right now, safety and convenience. Those are both great things and I am not trying to under-emphasize them but for myself I need to be out of that environment because it doesn't allow room for growth and change. Life isn't about being safe or convenient. Life involves risk and taking chances and not knowing what the next adventure will bring but doing it anyway.

I've already posted on here about my past and the abuse and hurt I suffered for so many years. Texas, for me, will always represent that in some ways. It's hard for me to think of the place and not be confronted with those painful memories that I would rather not think about. Plus, I don't think it's any great secret that I don't exactly share the views or opinion of a lot of the people in that state. Let's be completely honest here and just state for the record that Texas has become downright hateful and discriminatory toward so many others. I don't really want to live in that environment anymore, quite frankly. I realize there are many there who would disagree with those statements and I am also aware that not everybody feels that way. However, you definitely won't find me in the pro-Texas camp. Of course, I realize that by openly bashing the great state of Texas, I am probably going to get lots of hate mail, death threats and probably even a few angry villagers with pitchforks! I don't hate Texas, let me just emphasize that right here and right now. I just have realized that for me, it was not the best place for me to live and so while it may be "home", it's not really "home". It's a place where I keep a lot of my stuff and where many people that I care deeply about are. However, for myself, that's all it is anymore. There's nothing else the state can do for me at this point in time.

So, what exactly does all this rambling mean as it relates to me? Well, since Chicago doesn't feel like home and probably won't be since I will be leaving it in a few months, it means that I am essentially a displaced citizen ie without a home to belong to. Maybe that's how I should feel at this point in my life. Maybe I won't really find a home again until I settle down somewhere and possibly have a family. Maybe God will make that place Texas as some sort of colossal joke (He does like to do those kinds of things to me)!! Maybe I'm just meant to be a wandering drifter never really settling down or finding a home somewhere. I'm actually ok with that idea, by the way. I don't by any means feel bad about this fact. It just gives me an exciting opportunity to re-discover home and what it is. Until then, I guess I shall be a wandering drifter, just passing through in search of a mythical place called "Home".

40 Days and 40 Nights!!

Well, friends, the season of Lent has been upon us for a week now which means it is time for that season of devotion and remembering the sacrifices that Jesus made for us. I have started participating in a Lenten book study at church and have really been getting a lot out of it so far. The book is 40 Day Journey with Dietrich Bonhoeffer and it has proved to be an interesting experience. The book requires prayer, meditation and journaling every day in Lent and I have so far been diligently doing my devotional every day right when I wake up. I am so far getting a lot out of it and if you have been reading my Facebook, you may have noticed that I have been occasionally posting Bible passages on there that come from that day's reading. I was unfamiliar with Bonhoeffer prior to starting this study and I am so far finding him to be an engaging and unique theologian. So far, it has proved to be a positive experience and I am just proud that I have been able to keep at it every day as that is something that I struggle with. I am really bad at that kind of stuff but I was determined to make it part of my Lenten journey this year and so far, it is working out wonderfully. I've even been waking up earlier to do my devotionals so that I will still have time to get ready for work and while I am by no means a morning person, I have found that starting out my day with devotional has proven to be a great way to start my day.

I've also been dedicating more time to writing than usual. By that, I mean that I have been spending 45 minutes a day working on my long-gestating screenplay. It's been in my head since I was a senior in high school and now nine years later, I decided this was as good a time as any to start putting it down on paper. It's been tough but I have found that the creative process is where I truly thrive and maybe by the end of Lent, I will have a finished screenplay!! As I have been devoting more time to writing, that means that I have been devoting less time to my TV and movie obsession. I know, shocker, right??!! I've been mostly watching TV on Sundays after I get home from church and last night was the first night I had watched a movie in over two weeks. I'm trying to make other things a priority such as time with God, time with friends and time with myself. TV and movies kinda fall by the wayside when you re-shift your priorities. I haven't officially given them up for Lent just decided to make other things a priority this time. I did give up using my debit card so for the season of Lent, I am cash only. So far, it's worked out pretty well and it is helping me sort out the difference between needs and wants. I don't need to order McDonald's on the way to work. I might want to because it is so convenient and easy but I don't need it. It is a want, not a need. I'm hoping to make this a permanent change if it goes well during Lent. I will keep you posted on that development. That's all I have to report on this front. What is everyone else doing for Lent? Let me know. I would love to hear how people are choosing to spend this holy season.