It's Time

I'm back! I get so bad about remembering to update this thing. Anyway, I thought it was imperative to give everyone an update on how my life is going and where things are at this point in the semester.

The semester ends in just a few weeks. How am I feeling about it? Pretty good, actually. I'd say I'm on track to have my best semester yet, both academically and personally. In that respect, then, things are going pretty great. I'm having trouble finding a balance between too busy and not busy enough. That might sound odd to some but it's the truth. Last semester was too busy but this semester doesn't feel busy enough. Some weeks have been pretty busy but other weeks have had nothing going down for a significant stretch. I think that is what happens when you only take 3 classes. While my non-class commitments do take up a significant chunk of time, I still find myself with hours every week with nothing to do (or at least, nothing that I want to do). The problem I seem to be having is that when I don't have a lot to do, my body therefore responds by not doing much of anything as a way to accommodate. While it has been nice to have the time to sit on the couch in my pajamas and watch TV all day, it also feels very lazy. I feel like I should be doing something. In most cases, I actually should be doing something (I have a 12 page research paper due in a couple weeks and I have yet to even pick a topic) but I just lack the motivation or ambition to do it. It's like my Type A personality can't handle not having anything to do. It doesn't know how to react to this. It doesn't know what it should be doing so it therefore does nothing. I've been battling insomnia all semester and I suspect that it could be at least partly due to this. Rather than not sleeping because I'm too stressed, I'm not sleeping because I'm not stressed enough! Does this actually happen to other people? Can anyone else report an incidence of this actually occurring? I feel odd that I find this to be a problem. I also am not sure how to fix it. I definitely don't want to fall into the trap of being too busy again. I still remember how not fun that was. I guess I just need to work on finding some sort of balance in my life. That seems to be the hardest part for me. I either go overboard or don't do much of anything. I can't ever seem to find a middle ground.

On a lighter note, i wanted to report that last month I was blessed to be part of the Seminary's production of "The Laramie Project". For those who aren't familiar with the show, it's a play about Matthew Shepard and the town of Laramie, Wyoming and how they responded to his death. The impetus to put on the production happened because I really felt an urge to get back on stage. After watching the Vagina Monologues last spring, I realized how much I missed being on stage. I walked away from it two years ago because I realized that I wasn't doing it for the right reasons. This time, however, was going to be different. This time was going to be not about me. It was going to be about honoring Matthew Shepard and getting the seminary community to show its support for the LGBTQ community. So, I brought forward the idea of putting on a staged reading of the show here at the Seminary and received enthusiastic support for it. I gathered a group of fellow seminarians who all expressed interest in being a part of it and together, we put it on for the entire community to rave reviews and great response. We even managed to raise over $200 for the Matthew Shepard Foundation so it was a true success in every sense of the word. It also inspired and influenced me. After almost three years away from acting and almost ten years away from directing, I realized how much I had missed being a part of that world. I was so proud to be a part of the cast and I was reminded of all the things that I missed about the theatre world without being reminded of all the things I didn't miss. The maturity, professionalism, and adultness of my cast was so refreshing especially since several of them had never done any theatre before. There was no drama, no immaturity and no unprofessional behavior. It went off with absolutely no hitches. I became aware of just how powerful the theatre can be. How it can express ideas and emotions that other art forms can't. Also, just how healing the stage can be. It has the power to do so much good. For me, I realized that I really need to make the stage a fixture in my ministry. I've been thinking for several years about how I'd like to start a music and drama ministry but now I realize that that is an absolutely vital part of my ministry. I especially want to reach out to the at-risk and under-privileged youth out there. I think that allowing them to use their creative gifts on the stage or through music or art can be such a transformative even healing experience for them. It will give them something to look forward to and something to keep them busy and off the streets. Maybe it will even save their lives. Who knows for sure? I do know that I can help bring all that about using my talents and interests. I guess you could say I have fallen back in love with the stage. Now, though, it's not about me. It's about what effect the theatre will have on others. How will it spur conversation on tough topics? How will it transform someone's life? How will it impact a youth who has lived on the streets and only knows the culture of violence? If I can be a part of that change, then maybe all those years I spent doing theatre really weren't a waste of my time. If I can have some sort of positive impact on the life of a person through the medium of theatre, then it will have all been worth it. That's where my thought process is right now with regards to what comes next after I graduate. As for what that will look like or how I will make it happen, not real sure on that yet. Fortunately, I have another two years or so to think it through before I'm done anyway.

That's about all I feel like reporting on at this time. Hope everyone had a restful, fun and safe Thanksgiving holiday. Mine was extremely relaxing and blissful and included time with family and friends which is how the holidays should be. Blessings and remember: God Loves You and so do I!